Feeling Ready To Get Married

The year of marriage. You ask any young man or woman, Why don't you get married? They will say, Well, I am 18 years old. I am just a kid. Or at least that is what my parents keep telling me. That is what the people around me keep telling me. That is what society keeps telling me. Someone who is fresh out of high school, right? Getting married is without a doubt something that is abnormal in this society, not just in this society. In other words, non-Muslim societies. It is abnormal in Muslim societies.

Unfortunately, if you got married at the age of 18 in Iran, which is a country of predominantly Shi'a inhabitants and a population that are mostly Shi'a, right, It is abnormal. If you got married at the age of 18 in Iraq, It is rather abnormal, right? So society dictates to us what is right and what is wrong. And when we disregard our religious instructions and fall prey to the phobia that society plants in our head.

The hadith of Imam as-Sadiq takes shape. When you start fearing everything else. When you refuse to fear Allah, Subhana wa Ta'ala, you fear everything else. So what if you are 18? Why don't you get married? Say it. How am I going to get married? What are you talking about? I don't have an income. I don't have a place of my own, right? I could barely afford to pay my phone bill. How do I get married at that age?

You see what I am talking about? All of these are phobias. What am I going to do? I remember saying to a group of brothers and sisters, I said, when someone says, I refuse to get married because I am afraid that I won't be able to provide for my wife, you know what that is like? Saying that is like saying, God, I love you. You are a great God. You have looked after me since I was born. You have provided for me, right? And You have done a splendid job, right? I love you. But now, when there is going to be two of me, It is me and my wife, or me and my husband. I kind of feel like You won't be able to deliver. Because you could probably get away with just one person, but two people, that is kind of much. I mean, no offense. You are God and everything.

You see how pathetic and absurd this is? What am I going to do when I get married? What are you doing now? How are you surviving now? Are you begging on the streets? Are you starving to death? Are you going through a famine? What is wrong with you right now? Who is feeding you right now? Who's giving your livelihood right now? Who is making your blood course through your veins and your heart beat non-stop even when you are asleep right now? Who is doing all those things? You see how irrational this fear is? You see why this is a phobia? I can't do it. Well, nobody expected you to do it.

That is why the hadith says "man taraka at-tazwij, Imam Zayn al-'Abidin,salla Allahu alayhi [Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa Aali Muhammad wa 'ajja al-faraja]. Are we not Shi'a Muslims? Who are we? Seriously, ask yourself this. Do we not believe the Imams when it comes to matters of the metaphysical world? Do we not believe them when it comes to things like Heaven and Hell? If we believe them on those critical and impossible to access topics, then why don't we believe them when it comes to simple things like these? The Imam says: whoever refuses to get married based on economic justifications, based on the phobia, that I won't be able to provide for myself or for my family, "fa kad asa'a adh-Dhanna bi 'l-Lah". It is because you do not trust God.

Not only don't you trust God, you actually expect the worst for God. That is what "isa'a adh-Dhann" means. These are phobias, brothers and sisters, and a phobia is as absurd, the phobia or fear of marriage, is as absurd and pathetic as the fear of having a duck somewhere on the other end of the world staring at you. It is irrational. Don't believe the Shaytan. Do not fall prey to his deception.

Nahnu. Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala, says in the Quran, It is a famous verse that is recited in every nikah ceremony, right? Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala, says: "yakunu fuqara', yarzukuhum [yughnihumu] Allah" (24:32), that is the actual Verse. 'If they happen to be poor when they get married', in other words, get married when you are poor, get married when you have no livelihood. Don't wait until the livelihood somehow creeps up on you. Don't wait for the money to be raised and saved up in the bank before you get married. Get married when you have nothing. And God says, 'I will not only provide for you, but I will make you self sufficient'. "Yughnihumu Allah" (24:32), [Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa Aali Muhammad wa 'ajja al-faraja].

I know there might be some people out there, not here al-hamdulil-Lah, but some people out there thinking, what is this guy talking about? He is so naive. Back in the day maybe. Back in the day? You think I am from the dinosaur age? I am serious. Your parents, when they got married, how much money did they have? How much was their dowry? Did they have like, a big house? That they have a great job, for example, that made them feel secure?

You see that word in itself? I want to feel secure. I want a good paying job. Secure meaning I don't want to trust God. I want to trust the paycheck. I can't trust God. I have to trust some random guy telling me that at the end of each week, or month, you are going to get a set amount of money. That is the only way we are going to feel secure.

How pathetic is that? God's promise and in Qur'an fails to deliver security for me. But if someone says I will give you a little bit of money. Subhana Allah. So that is one phobia, phobia against marriage.