How Can Chasing Instant Gratification Have An Effect In Your Life?

The marshmallow story is this. They put a bunch of four five year olds in a room. They placed in front of them a plate and one marshmallow and they said that you have two choices. You can have this marshmallow now and enjoy it. Or, I will be back in 15 minutes, and if I see that one marshmallow still there, I will give you two marshmallows. Four or five year olds - and the person leaves the room.

The report say that there were individuals who, within three seconds devoured their marshmallow. There are other individuals who physically were fighting themselves to not eat the marshmallow. Some would close their eyes, some would turn their back against the marshmallow. Some would hide under the table where the marshmallow was lying. Someone picked up the marshmallow and stroked it like it was an animal or something.

Someone pulled their hair, their little pigtails. Someone rocked back and forth, anything and everything to do with the fact that I do not want to eat this marshmallow because I know there is another one coming. They say two thirds of the children deferred and were able to eat two marshmallows the one third of them could not handle the 15 minutes.

The experiment says that we followed, these four year olds until they were 15, 16, 17 year olds, and we find that those individuals who deferred the gratification of the marshmallow, to have two of them were individuals who had more patience, had more resolve, had more will-power, had more self-recognition, were able to go through less divorces. They were successful with higher S.A.T. scores. All these things were there because they were able to train themselves to defer their gratification.

Now the problem lies, not the problem, the challenge lies in the fact, that we were created to be haste individuals "Khuliqal insaanu min ajoola" (21:37). "Khuliqa insaana Min Ajal" (21:37). "Innal Insaana Kaana Ajoola (17:11)." Man was created to be a haste individual.

What should be happening at the age of 15 and nine? What should be happening is that the intellect comes in, 'Guys, guys, guys, look, you guys are witness guys since day number one. I am now here. I am going to run things and I am going to lead the entire group. So if you have shakwa, if you have anger, if you want something, if you do not like something, you have got to come to me, knock on my door, ask me for permission. I will tell you - "Yes, you are allowed to like this thing; you are allowed to not like this thing."' That is what should be happening. The reality is - it is not happening.

Our desires get bigger and bigger and bigger because we keep feeding this monster inside of us. Every time the desire says jump, we say," Yes, sir." We keep jumping up and down like buffoons. Our desires get bigger and bigger and bigger, and we wonder why our desire just is not getting full. The more we feed it, the bigger it gets and our intellect, bechara somewhere in the corner saying, 'Guys, remember me? I am the intellect. I am the guy that is supposed to, you know, tell you what you should be like for you, what you should not be like.' He has been trampled and pushed into a corner.

Because, 'Dude you have just arrived. I have been here since for the past 15 years. You are a rookie man. I am a 15 year veteran. You want to tell me what to do?' I do all the playing - you get twenty minutes a game, I got forty minutes a game, that is how it goes in sports, right? Same idea! You can not come in as a rookie and tell me, 'OK, Vet, you sit on the bench, I will take your role.' No, you won't! I have been here. This is my play ground this is my hood. You can not come in and tell me what to do. Go off! Okay. And this battle begins at 15 and 9, and it is a serious battle, man. Oh, my goodness!

Several times a day this battle ensues and the very, very special youth are those who weaken their desires and who strengthen their intellect. And the very, very special ones are the ones who actually allow their Aql and their intellect and their reasoning to govern their desires and their anger and their creativity. And to do that surrounded in this society is even more difficult. But it is possible.

That is why the Ulama of Akhlaq tell us that one of the areas that you can certainly gain this idea of deferred gratification is to weaken your desires. You do not always need to say yes to your desires, guys. If your desire is saying, look, I want this, I want to eat this food, I want to buy this purse, I want to buy these shoes, I want to love this person, I want to marry this person - and all of that is bad news for you. God forbid we say no. You know what? I do not want that.

But this society will tell you to make your Nafs, your God. Whatever your Nafs, says you do it. No one has any right to tell you that you cannot love this person. You cannot marry this person. Your parents are begging you. Your community is begging. The Alim is begging you, 'Look man she is bad news for you, bro, do not marry her.' 'Do not get fooled by his blue eyes. Blue eyes will become grey one second, will become black in one second. Look at his taqwa and piety.'

That is what is going on right now. Until we get this thing desire, which is out of control, and when that happens, when that happens, when desire is out of control, we become habitual sinners - the same sin we do over and over and over again to the point, can you imagine, to the point where we are doing the sin. In the middle of the sin, we are telling ourselves we should not be doing this - and we do it - right till the end; and afterwards we kick ourselves, we bang ourselves, slap ourselves. What is wrong with you? You should not be doing this.

We beg Allah. Allah, Astaghfirullah Rabbi Wa Atooboo Ilayh, That's it! I am done. Wallahi, wallahi, wallahi, I am done. No more God! No more God! You wake up in the morning, bam!!! That sense, that happens again and you kill yourself to get it because your desire out of control. You no longer control your desires.

It is like walking up the mountain and the donkey is on your back and you are going up the mountain. And suddenly, 'Aw man! The donkey was made to carry you up the mountain, not the other way around.'

You have this load of desires on your shoulders. You are walking around, you are trying to get him on the ground.