What you were told is not always correct. Allah's forgiveness is much greater than our imagination. Sincere repentance and seeking forgiveness can omit the sins totally as Allah says ( Verily, Allah forgives all the sins)(Sura 39, Verse 53). More than forgiveness, Allah changes the sins of very sincere believers who repent, believe and do good in to good deeds (Sura al-Furqan, verse 70).
Allah knows who is entitled to be forgiven according to the degree of his sincerity and real decision not to commit the sin again. Allah (SWT) said in Quran (Say, O My servants who have transgressed against themselves (in committing sins) : Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins, truly He is The Oft-Forgiving, The Most Merciful) Sura 39, verse 53.
We need to always seek forgiveness and repeat that whenever we remember our sins.
Your late wife must have been a good lady for you to continue to remember her. Yes, of course you can do dua and pray for her forgiveness, as long as she was not hostile to Islam and she knew no better.
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