You should avoid any inappropriate situation with any one but you don’t need to create a problem in the family. Keep yourself away from any inappropriate situation which might lead to sinful act or sinful thought, but don’t inform others who can create a problem in your family.
It is not permissible for the husband (according to obligatory precaution) to drink from the milk of his wife. Such act despite being not permissible, does not forbid the husband from sexual activities with his wife nor does it harm their marriage bond. If husband while his sexual activities with his wife gets some milk in his mouth, he should spit it out and avoid drinking it.
From a shar'i perspective, it would depend on if she meets the requirements for a shar'i legitimate marriage.
However, this approach such a husband takes is definitely inappropriate and morally wrong, especially among all things breaking a promise.
If the husband is that uncomfortable in his first marriage, he should not drag her into the humiliation of lies and deception to fulfill his needs, and should be honest and straightforward with her.
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