People of Paradise will be purified from every wrong thinking, wrong desire or wrong temptation. They will never think about doing any wrong. Changing gender will never be wished by any one in Paradise. Allah said in Quran about people of Paradise ( And We removed away from their chests every bed feeling) A-A'raaf, 43.
'Changing gender is mentioned in Quran as one of the Satanic aims.( Verily, I will mislead them, and I will arouse in them false desires, and will order them to slit the ears of the cattle and will order them to change the nature created by Allah). (Sura An-Nisar', 119).
Transgender’s situations are different. Some of them were born with a female DNA set (XX) but they look like males from outside or born with a male DNA set (XY) but look like females. Such persons are allowed to “rectify” their gender outer to make it in accordance of their real DNA gender set up. We call such transgender operation as “rectification”.
But if the person is a clear male or female according to his DNA as well as genitalia,then it is not permissible to change their gender., and if they do that for any reason, they will remain considered as their original gender. This is according to most of our leading scholars.
‘Some of scholars say that if the person who was born as a normal male, goes through surgery to cut his genitalia and make himself look like a female, and becomes a real female in the eyes of the society as well as in his body details, then people can deal with such person according to outer features.
‘According to this opinion, if you look like a full female and people look to you as a real female, then you should wear in front of men and during your Prayers like females.
I advise you to refer to the Marje; of Taqleed whom you follow to get his verdict after you explain to him clearly your situation.
Firstly, I would recommend you watch this presentation, and although it might be bit technical for her, you would be able to hopefully explain it in a way that she understands:
Basically, in Arabic language, pronouns do not always necessarily need to refer to gender, and we most certainly know that Allah ta'ala is above gender, but we must refer to Him with something.
In the English language, he/she in most cases only refers to gender, so the problem could be due to the language as well. Whatever the case may be, we still need to address Almighty God with something, as long as we know and understand that it is not a gender based usage, because Almighty God does not have a body or a gender.
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