By studying the Islamic religion, and analysing its ideas, laws and values concerning the building and organizing of this great cultural project, 'The Family', one may broadly classify its measures as follows: -

1. The call to build the family.

2. Organizing the family relations.

To complete our study, we shall explain these two steps for the readers' benefit.

The Call To Build The Family

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

“And of his signs is this: He created mates for you from yourselves that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Most surely there are signs in this for people who reflect” (Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21).

هُوَ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُمْ مِنْ نَفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَجَعَلَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا لِيَسْكُنَ إِلَيْهَا

“He it is Who did create you from a single being, and of the same (kind) did He make his mate that he might incline to her…” (Surah Al-A’raf, 7:189).

فَانْكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُمْ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ

“…Marry such women as seem good to you” (Surah An-Nisa’, 4:3).

Looking up the lexical meanings of the Arabic words of “husband,” “marriage” and “matrimony” we may understand the psychological, spiritual, social and organic, implications of marriage in the Islamic religion, and the reason why the Quran uses the word “Spouse” (Zawj - زوج) for both the man and the woman bound together with a legal tie, and the word “'Marriage” (Nikah - نكاح) for the coupling process, and the lawful enjoyment between husband and wife.

In the Arabic language, to marry means to consort and mix.

“The rain married the earth” means that it mixed with the soil of the earth.

“The trees married” means that the trees consorted or got closer to each other.

Going back to the lexicon, and looking up the meaning of 'mixing,’ which implies the concepts of both the words 'Spouse' and 'Marriage', we realize that the meaning of “to mix one thing with another” is to gather and mingle them together. Mixing' is gathering, mingling, and consummating.

'To consort,’ implied' by the word 'to marriage,’ means: to tie and connect, as is seen in the lexicon.

Thus, through lexical understanding of the meanings of 'spouse' and 'marriage' used in religious terms, we come to discover the great human implications contained in the relation between man and woman from Islam's viewpoint: joining, mixing, tying and connecting.

Thus, to Islam, marriage is an interaction, a mixing, a psychological and spiritual connection, and a tying of two individuals (a man and a woman) together to become “a married pair.”

A pair consists of two who are similar to one another. Without this similarity none of us would have found his half to make a pair, but would have remained a single, feeling lonely and away from his spouse, and would have continued his natural search and longing to join his half with the other half that would take him out of the dreary prison of singleness, and fill up the gaps of love, affection and yearning in his inside.

The Glorious Qur'an has beautifully illustrated the love and relation between the couple by drawing a verbal picture, in a wonderful style expressing the human truth implied in this relation:

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

“And of his signs is this: He created mates for you from yourselves that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Most surely there are signs in this for people who reflect” (Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21).

It has illustrated marriage as a relationship of 'rest,’ ‘love,’ and ‘mercy.’ By 'rest' it means the security and comfort, which are desired by the individual when he is away from his other half, because he (she) would not enjoy the happiness of affection, love, mercy and sympathy, unless he (she) joins his (her) spouse and get together.

This makes us understand that 'coupling' to the Qur'an, does not refer to a mathematical figure resulting from adding a man to a woman. Actually, it is a process of omitting the singleness - in its psychological and organic meaning, and in its specific and social aim - through the natural meeting and perfection between ‘the pair’ so that all the psychological and biological connections and feelings may mix, react, communicate, and unite.

In this way the psychological and biological perfection between them and their split personalities is cohesively united, so that they may form the base for the continuation of existence and preservation of the human species. The humanity which grows, fertilizes, and practices its lively activities, is the perfectly natural humanity formed by the uniting ties of a 'pair', as otherwise humanity would disintegrate and would not be able to survive.

هُوَ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُمْ مِنْ نَفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَجَعَلَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا لِيَسْكُنَ إِلَيْهَا ۖ فَلَمَّا تَغَشَّاهَا حَمَلَتْ حَمْلًا خَفِيفًا فَمَرَّتْ بِهِ ۖ فَلَمَّا أَثْقَلَتْ دَعَوَا اللَّهَ رَبَّهُمَا لَئِنْ آتَيْتَنَا صَالِحًا لَنَكُونَنَّ مِنَ الشَّاكِرِينَ

“He it is Who did create you from a single being, and of the same (kind) did He make his mate that he might incline to her. So, when he covers her, she bears a light burden, and she moves about with it, but when it becomes heavy, they call upon Allah, their Lord, saying: If you give us a good one we shall be of the grateful ones” (Surah Al-A’raf, 7:189).

It is, thus, obvious that Islam's advocation of marriage and the building of the family is a legislative and cultural one, to attain the natural and social aims of the human life.

The one who carefully follows Islam's invitation to marriage, and scrutinizes the relevant texts and concepts, would realize the importance of this human relationship, Islam's great emphasis on it, and its sacredness to human life.

Numerous verses in the Glorious Qur'an deal with this relationship between man and woman and define the rights and the duties of both the spouses.

There are more than eighty verses which speak of marriage, matrimonial enjoyment, loving and respecting women and having relations with them,

Speaking about marriage, the Qur'an regards it as a general relationship of the creation which runs through the entire universe, and covers everything therein, an atom, a plant, an animal, a human being. etc, since it is a relationship of attraction, yearning and connection between every two parts of a 'pair' in this universe, perfecting its system and keeping it one its right course.

This general and universal system of coupleness is put in nutshell by the Qur'an:

وَمِنْ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ خَلَقْنَا زَوْجَيْنِ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُونَ

“And of everything We have created pairs, that happily you may reflect” (Surah Ad-Dhariyat, 51:49).

Let every man and woman understand that their relations with their spouses should be based on a universal consciousness, beyond the limits of pleasure and passing instinctive feelings, and reach the depths of the general matrimonial and legal understanding of this relationship as mentioned in the Quran.

If we move from the Qur'an to the Prophets' Traditions, we shall see that they are full of sayings about diverse aspects of marriage, and matrimonial relations, including even what happens between the couple in their privacy and during enjoying moments of sexual inter­ course.

Here are some examples concerning marriage and forming a family: The Imam Ja'far As-Sadiq (‘a) quoted The Prophet (S) as follows:

“Marry (yourselves) and marry (your sons and daughters). Fortunate is the Muslim who can afford to pay for an unmarried woman. Nothing is more loved by Allah the Exalted in Islam than a home set up by marriage, and nothing is more hated by Allah the Exalted in Islam than a home pulled down by divorce.”1

The Imam further explained this by saying, “Allah the Exalted did emphasize his words about divorce because He strongly hates separation.”2

The Commander of the Faithful, the Imam, Ali ibn Abi Talib (‘a), quoted the Messenger of Allah (S) saying:

“Whoever wants to follow my Tradition, then marriage is my Tradition.”3

The Imam Al-Sadiq (‘a) also quoted the Messenger of Allah (S) to have said:

“The lowest of your deads are the bachelors.”4

It is narrated, too:

“Whoever marries, safeguards half his religion. Let him take care of his duty to the other half.”5

It is also narrated from the Imam Al- Sadiq (‘a):

“The wife of Uthman ibn Maz'un, a companion of the Prophet came to the Messenger of Allah (S) and said:

‘O Messenger of Allah, Uthman fasts during daytime and stands the nights in prayer.’ The Messenger of Allah (S) got angry, and immediately hurried out until he came to where Uthman was praying. On seeing Messenger of Allah (S) he stopped praying. The Messenger of Allah (S) said to him: ‘O Uthman, Allah has not sent me with monasticism, but with a simple and merciful monotheistic religion. l fast, pray and touch my wife.6So, whoever likes my nature, let him follow my traditions and to marry is of my Tradition.’”7

So, this collection of ideas, concepts, and regulations. found in the Glorious Qur'an and in the prophet’s Traditions, enlighten us, with pure clarity, humane values, a sound understanding of marriage, and an invitation to build a family, the nest of happiness, the cradle of love, and the lap of affection which embraces all its members and floods them - husband, wife, children and relatives - with feelings of love and mercy.

This lofty cultural building, the family, is the expression of a natural feeling, an inner longing, and one's innate desire to be sociable, amicable, and taken care of.

Thus, the Messenger of Allah (S)was angry with Uthman because he neglected his wife, and explained to him Islam's attitude, and positively told him that he is against cloistral life which ruins marriage, destroys humanity and contradicts human nature and life's order. That is why we hear the Messenger of Allah (S), on many other occasions, confirm that marriage is of his traditions and the law of his religion, because his divine and tolerant religion is an upright one - that is, far from being abnormal or deviated. It is in perfect harmony with the logic of universal existence and the innate natural order. So, singleness is regarded as an evil, and marriage is regarded as completing half of one's religion, since it regulates the instincts, inclinations, activities, and practices which affect half of the conduct, instinctively, psychologically, socially, economically and morally in general.

In order to accomplish its objectives harmoniously and without contradiction, Islam disapproves the obstacles and barriers forged by a society deviated from the principles of faith. By removing the psychological or social hinderances in the way of building a family and establishing matrimonial relations, it prevents a clash between different social values and the natural law of life. It breaks up class discrimination, racialism and other differences of ignorance; and changes them into humane values and lawful objective considerations.

It also modifies the customs concerning marriage portion and dowry so that it should not be too overstated and be a materialistic barrier in the way of marriage and forming of families.

Let us read what the Glorious Qur'an says about these practical principles and values in respect to marriage:

وَأَنْكِحُوا الْأَيَامَىٰ مِنْكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ ۚ إِنْ يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِنْ فَضْلِهِ ۗ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ

“And marry such of you who are single and the pious of your male slaves and female slaves. If they be poor Allah will enrich them of his bounty, Allah is of ample means, Knowing” (Surah An-Nur, 24:32).

وَلْيَسْتَعْفِفِ الَّذِينَ لَا يَجِدُونَ نِكَاحًا حَتَّىٰ يُغْنِيَهُمُ اللَّهُ مِنْ فَضْلِهِ ۗ وَالَّذِينَ يَبْتَغُونَ الْكِتَابَ مِمَّا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ فَكَاتِبُوهُمْ إِنْ عَلِمْتُمْ فِيهِمْ خَيْرًا ۖ وَآتُوهُمْ مِنْ مَالِ اللَّهِ الَّذِي آتَاكُمْ ۚ وَلَا تُكْرِهُوا فَتَيَاتِكُمْ عَلَى الْبِغَاءِ إِنْ أَرَدْنَ تَحَصُّنًا لِتَبْتَغُوا عَرَضَ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا ۚ وَمَنْ يُكْرِهْهُنَّ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ مِنْ بَعْدِ إِكْرَاهِهِنَّ غَفُورٌ رَحِيمٌ

“And let those who do not find means to marry keep chaste till Allah gives them independence by his grace. And such of those who seek a writing (of emancipation) from among those whom your right hand possesses write it for them if you are aware of any good in them, and bestow upon them the wealth of Allah which He has bestowed upon you. Force not your slave girls to whoredom that you may seek enjoyment of the life of the world, if they would preserve their chastity. And if one forces them, then, after their compulsion, surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful” (Surah An-Nur, 24:33).

ا تَنْكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكَاتِ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنَّ ۚ وَلَأَمَةٌ مُؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِنْ مُشْرِكَةٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ ۗ وَلَا تُنْكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكِينَ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنُوا ۚ وَلَعَبْدٌ مُؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌ مِنْ مُشْرِكٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ ۗ أُولَٰئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى النَّارِ ۖ وَاللَّهُ يَدْعُو إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ وَالْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِ ۖ وَيُبَيِّنُ آيَاتِهِ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ

“Wed not idolatresses until they believe; and certainly, a believing bondwoman is better than an idolatress even though she should please you; and give not (believing women) in marriage to idolaters until they believe, and certainly a believing slave is better than an idolater even though he should please you. These invite to the Fire, and Allah invites to the Garden, and to forgiveness by His grace, and expounds thus His revelations to mankind that they may be mindful” (Surah Al-Baqara, 2:221).

These verses are explicit in their call for marriage and to abolish class and financial differences and to fight against prostitution and sexual liberties.

In Islam wealth, class, colour or even beauty, should not be an obstacle in the way of marriage. The only criterion is goodness, piety and having good offspring. These are the values and principles of Islam which are derived from its humane spirit and objective look at mankind and at the reality of the social activities and phenomena.

In addition to the Qur'an, the Traditions also play an important role in stressing and confirming these values and concepts:

“All ibn Asbat wrote to the Imam Muhammad Al-Baqir ibn’ Ali ibn Al-Husayn ibn’ Ali ibn Abi Talib (‘a) complaining that he could not find anyone equal to him in status to marry his daughters. The Imam replied to him and urged him not to look at it that way, as the Messenger of Allah (S) had said: ‘If someone of good character and conduct proposes to your daughter, marry them. If you do not, there will be mischief and great corruption on earth.’”8

The Messenger (S) himself gave a practical example by marrying Zayd ibn Haritha - his freed slave – to Zaynab bint Jahsh – the Prophet’s cousin, - one of the noblest and most beautiful women. Later on, when Zayd divorced her, the Prophet (S) himself married her.

The Messenger of Allah (S) also married Diya'a bint Al-Zubayr ibn Abd Al-Mutalib of Quraysh – a cousin of the Prophet too - to Al-Miqdad ibn Al-Aswad - who was far below her in nobility and tribal position according to the customs prevalent in those days.

Commenting on this marriage, the Imam Al-Sadiq says “By marrying Al-Miqdad ibn Al-Aswad to Diya’a bint Al-Zubayr ibn Abd Al-Mutalib, the Messenger of Allah (S) aimed at encouraging people to follow the path of the Messenger of Allah (S) and simplify marriage and to remember that, ‘the noblest of you, in the sight of Allah, is the best in conduct.’ Al-Zubayr was Abdullah (the prophet’s father) and Abu Talib’s full brother.”9

The Messenger of Allah (S) ordered Ziyad ibn Labid Al-Ansari, a nobleman of Bani Bayada to give his beautiful daughter, Al-Dhalfa’ to Juwaybir, the Prophet's poor companion. He used to live on charity, with some other poor, family less persons under a roof built for them by The Messenger (S) called ‘Al-Sef-fah.’

The story of Juwaybir starts with a wonderful dialogue between the Messenger of Allah (S) and his respectable companion:

“O Juwaybir,” the Prophet said, “how about your getting married, so that your wife may keep you chaste, and help you with your world and hereafter?”

“O Messenger of Allah,” replied Juwaybir, “my father and mother be your ransom; who would like me? By Allah (I have) no ancestral nobility, no wealth and no beauty, so what woman would want me?”

“O Juwaybir,” the Messenger of Allah (S) replied, “Allah, with Islam, lowered him who had been arrogant during the Era of Ignorance (Jahiliyah), made him respectable, with Islam, who had been humiliated during the Era of Ignorance, and abolished, with Islam, superciliousness, and taking pride in tribalism and ancestry. Today all people, irrespective of being white, black, whether of Quraysh, Arabs or non-Arabs, are sons of Adam; whom Allah had created from clay. The most beloved of people to Allah the Exalted, on the Day of Resurrection, are the most pious and obedient to Him.”10

Then he told him to go to Ziyad ibn Labid and, ask for his daughter's hand. When Ziyad heard Juwaybir's proposal, he could not believe it, and turned away Juwaybir at once. But his daughter, Al-Dhalfa', protested against her father's haughty attitude towards the Prophet's order. Finally, Ziyad relented, changed his mind, and gave his daughter in marriage to Juwaybir.

These principles and noble values are embodied in the practical lives of the progeny of the Messenger (S), who were Imams of the Muslims and the noblest of the Arabs.

It is narrated that the Imam, Ali ibn Al-Husayn ibn Abi Talib (‘a) had a wonderful ideological dialogue with the Ommiad Caliph, Abdul Malik ibn Marwan, who used to oppose the Imam (‘a), insult and belittle him.

It is related that Abdul Malik ibn Marwan appointed an agent in Al-Madina to spy upon its people and report the matter. One day the Imam, Ali ibn Al-Husayn emancipated a bondmaid then married her. The spy informed Abdul Malik, who wrote to the Imam saying:

“It has come to me that you have married your bondmaid, while I know there are women in Quraysh who are your equal and would bring glory to you by marriage and would give you worthy sons. But you neither cared for yourself, nor respected your children.”

The Imam, Ali ibn Al-Husayn (‘a) wrote back to him:

“I received your letter reproaching me for marrying my bondmaid, claiming that there were in Quraysh women who would have brought glory to me if I married them and have their children. But no one is superior to the Messenger of Allah (S) in glory and generosity. She had been of my belongings, I emancipated her from my possessions for a reward I expect for Allah, then I took her back (married) according to His law. Whoever is steadfast in the religion of Allah, nothing will harm him. Allah has, within Islam, raised those who were despised, perfected by it the defects, and removed worthlessness. So, a Muslim cannot be worthless, and worthlessness belongs to the Era of Ignorance.”11

When Abdul Malik read the letter, he was dumbfounded and threw it to his son Sulayman, acknowledging his failure in insulting the Imam (‘a).

Sulayman, having read the letter, told his father: “O Commander of the Believers, how boastful, Ali ibn Al-Husayn is to you!”

Abdul Malik replied, “O Son, do not say so. He is the most elegant of all Bani Hashim who ‘split the rock and drank out of the ocean’ (of Knowledge). Ali ibn Al-Husayn, dear son, gets higher where other people get lower.”12

In this way Islam has removed the gravest and most hindering of obstacles which contradicted the human spirit and nature.

Having managed to overcome this social handicap, and to change this backward and ignorant way of thinking, Islam tackled another materialistic problem, whose bad effect was hindering marriages and the establishment of families, that is the problem of high marriage-portions.

Having defined the concept of marriage as a universal and natural system through which man performs the legal ties and connections, Islam looked upon marriage-portion as a secondary thing and placed marriage high above all materialistic benefits and interests. It abolished all concepts which regarded marriage-portion as the woman's price, or as wedding expenses.

Islam regards the mutual consent of both parties, the husband and wife, as two corners of matrimonial relations, the best reason for concluding a marriage13 while the marriage-portion is but a gift on which the legal contract is based. It is fixed before concluding the legal contract. Although Islam does not fix any limits, however, it encourages the lowest possible sum acceptable to the bride, even a Dirham or less than it. It also allows marriage­ portion to be in the form of a service, such as teaching the wife to read and write, or to memorize a Surah of the Glorious Qur'an, or even to teach her a foreign language or a certain profession, etc.

All these are devised to make marriage easy, and to do away with whatever obstacles which stand in the way, like high marriage-portions which in our contemporary society force people to remain single and are a serious hinderance to a marriage.

These obstacles are all due to the resurgence of the backward pre-Islamic concepts about marriage-portion, wedding expenses and gifts for the bride, especially after the high cost of living and low individual incomes.

So, in order to solve these social problems and help the individual build family life easily and orderly, Islam strongly detests and resists the high cost of weddings and extravagance and urges people to reduce the demands of marriage-portion to the lowest possible level.

The Messenger of Allah (S) has said:

“The best women of my people are the most beautiful, but ask the lowest possible ‘mahr’ (marriage-portion).”

It has also been said: “The blessing of a woman is her modest mahr.”14

Also, it is narrated “... as to woman, her misfortune is in her high 'mahr' and (troublesome) delivery...”

The marriage of Fatimah (‘a), daughter of the Messenger of Allah (S), was unique regarding her portion. She married the Imam, Ali (‘a) for a modest sum of money ever recorded in history with pride and endearment, despite the fact that she was the daughter of the Messenger of Allah (S), the noblest of the women of the world, and that her father could afford her with a wealth matching that of the women of Caesars and Chosroes. Yet his goal was much more superior and Fatimah's personality and her marriage were much higher above wealth, furniture and the trivialities of this world.

History has preserved this wonderful picture with respect and splendour:

When the Messenger of Allah (S) wanted to marry his daughter to the Imam 'Ali (‘a), he asked him: “Have you anything to marry with?”

The Imam replied that except for a sword, an armour and a camel, he had nothing else. It was decided to sell his armour, which the Imam sold for 480 Dirhams and handed the sum to the Prophet (S). The Prophet accepted this modest sum and asked some men and women to purchase garments for the bride, some furniture and other household necessities. 15

These were as follows:

1. An Egyptian woollen mat.

2. A leather pillow filled with palm fibre.

3. A cloak from Khaybar.

4. A waterskin.

5. Earthenware mugs.

6. Earthenware water jars.

7. A water basin.

8. Thin woollen curtains.

9. A bed with ribbons.

10. A mat from Hajar.

11. A vessel for dyeing.

12. A milk bowl.

13. A shirt.

14. A small waterskin.

15. A sieve.

16. A towel.

17. A stone hand mill.

18. A copper pot.

This modest picture of the new home for the said cost was meant by the Messenger of Allah (S) to be an example of the highest level, personifying the principles practically to be followed in life by Muslims.

How The Building Of The Family Begins?

The family, that important edifice based on legal foundations and humane relations, as well as on natural and instinctive ones, is a serious human building. Islam paved the way to its establishment, through the following basic preparatory and constructive steps:

1. Encouraging and simplifying marriage, as has already been explained.

2. Choosing the spouse. Since this is quite an important matter, and on it are based the lives of the married couple, and the future of their family and children, Islam takes special care and recommends good morals and physical attributes and righteous conduct as a code to be observed by both parties on selecting a spouse. It also draws attention to the unagreeable and detestful characteristics which are to be avoided when choosing a partner.

Thus, Islam asks a man to choose a chaste, affectionate, and pious woman of good character and manners, of a family known for its honour and good conduct, endowed with a respectable personality among her family and relations. Furthermore, Islam does not neglect the aesthetic elements such as beauty and good looks, as well as the masculine physical characteristics desired by women. But it does not give these elements priority over morality and good behaviour. Islam considers these to be of secondary importance and below the attributes necessary to be a good husband and wife.

The Traditions of the Prophet glitter with numerous sayings that throw light on this important aspect of man and woman. Following are some of his sayings dealing with this crucial subject:

“Beware of the green manure!” Asked what a green manure meant, he replied, “A beautiful woman growing up in a bad environment.”16

“Choose for your seed, as the uncle [wife's brother] is [represented by] one of the two bedfellows.”17

“Look for goodness in the beautiful faces, as their deeds are apt to be good.” 18

“Marry a pious woman, [or] your hands may be dirtied.”19

“Marry the virgin the prolific, not the beautiful but barren.”20

“Let me tell you about the worst of your women: The humiliated among her folk, the haughty with her husband, the spiteful barren, the one not refraining from evil, adorning herself during her husband's absence, showing chastity only in his presence, heedless to his words, disobeying his orders, recoiling from him when alone together like an uncontrollable horse in riding, accepting no excuse from him, and forgiving none of his.”21

“The best of your women is the prolific, the affectionate, the chaste, the endeared of her family, humble with her husband, adorns herself in his presence, fortifies herself against other than him, listens to his words, and his orders, offers herself to him when alone, but not so unabashed like him.”22

The Imam Ali ibn Al-Husayn (‘a) said: “If one of you wants to marry, inquire about the woman's hair, as you inquire about her face, as hair is one of the two beauties.”23

Likewise, there are guidelines for the woman about the basic characteristics to be sought for in a husband.

The Imam Muhammad Al-Baqir (‘a), has related from the Prophet:

“The Messenger of Allah (S) said: If a person of good character sends a proposal to your daughter, then marry her to him. If you do not, there will be mischief on earth and wide corruption”24

The Messenger of Allah (S) further said:

“Do not marry a drunkard even if he proposes”25

Once Hussayn ibn Bash-shar Al-Wasati wrote to the Imam 'Ali ibn Musa Al-Ridha (‘a), saying:

“A relative of mine has proposed for my daughter bur he is rather ill-tempered. “

The Imam advised him:

“Do not marry to him if he is ill-tempered.”26

The second step towards establishing a family is the constructive one which begins with the conclusion of the marriage contract between a man and a woman. The marriage legally pronounces them husband and wife and is an agreement for lawfully enjoying each other's company.

This contract cannot be concluded without the consent of both the parties, since they are the two props that bring it in existence and give it its value.

It is noteworthy to say that it is the woman, or her agent, who conclude the contract, and not the man. It is she who offers to marry the man, consents, agrees, fixes the 'mahr' that is the amount of money to be paid to the bride and to be mentioned while making the agreement. She may also impose special conditions other than the matrimonial rights granted by the Islamic personal law. This is true of the husband too, provided that these conditions do not contradict any established religious principles.

The marriage agreement is concluded orally, as follows: The woman says to the man: “I marry you against a portion of (the amount is to be stated.) The man immediately replies: “I accept.”

So, when the woman or her agent, pronounce this text of the agreement and the man or his agent accepts it, the agreement or the contract is concluded between the couple, and the matrimonial relations start and what had been forbidden for them before the conclusion of the agreement, becomes lawful for them to do. They are now free to start a family and enjoy married life as the agreement authorizes both parties to build a family. So, marriage is a process of consent and agreement between the wills of man and woman. No marriage and no legal relations can be established between them per force or without their free will and consent, because marriage, in its creative meaning, cannot be accomplished except through psychological and voluntary harmony between the man and the woman.

The Guardian And The Marriage Contract

The Sacred legislation permits the father or the grandfather-representing the father - to marry his minor son or daughter (below the age of puberty) and this agreement is regarded valid, unless it is harmful and disadvantageous to either the boy or the girl, in which case when they come of age, they are free either to accept the marriage conducted by their guardians or reject it.

Concerning a grown-up woman who has legally come of age, if she is divorced or widowed, her father and grandfather have no authority upon her. She is the one to choose her spouse according to her free will. But as regards the virgin, the jurisprudents have different opinions about the role of the father or the grandfather, in conducting her marriage. They back their opinions with suitable Traditions and Sayings of the prophet (S.A). On studying these opinions, we find them fall into three categories:

1. Some say that the father (or the grandfather or their agents) has the right to use his authority over his virgin daughter in respect to her marriage. Accordingly, the guardian of the grown-up virgin the right to marry her to a suitable man even without her consent. They say that such a marriage is legal and valid, and she cannot reject it. But if he selects an inefficient man, or he cares only for his own selfish interests resulting from such a marriage, it is considered illegal and she has the right to reject it.

2. Another group of jurisprudents suggest that the consent of both the father or the grandfather or their agents and the daughter is necessary. They maintain that the father cannot marry his daughter without her consent and similarly she cannot accept a marriage proposal without her father's consent. Neither of them has the right to act unilaterally; as the lawfulness of this procedure depends on their unanimous consent, provided the guardian would not choose an unsuitable husband; but if he did and insisted on his choice, his consent will no longer be considered necessary, and she is free to marry herself, disregarding her guardian's consent.

3. A third group of jurisprudents say that a grown-up virgin who has come of age cannot be subjected to the authority of her father, grandfather or their agents, and they have no right to marry her forcibly according to their choice, and, at the same time, she is not obliged to ask for their consent to marry. It is only she herself who can select her spouse. This group regards marriage to be a contract just as any other contract. They maintain that since the grown-up woman has the right to conclude contracts or transactions like buying, selling, possessing, donating, etc., and nobody can prevent her from doing so, or even take part in the making of her decisions, similarly she can act the same in respect to marriage. They back their opinion with a number of Traditions and Sayings of the Prophet (S) which are stated in their arguments.

By analysing these arguments, we understand that none of the jurisprudents deny the virgin from exercising her will or harming her. On the contrary, they try to protect her against any act of rashness caused by her naive youth and tender adolescence or driving desires, and prevent her from falling a prey to the seduction of men and their carnal desires, which may turn her into means of pleasure and exploitation. That is why these jurisprudents insist on the father's consent or leave the matter to him, provided his decision does not bring her any harm, in which case they demand that she herself should be mature enough and be capable of understanding such affairs.

However, the most important thing is that the woman has to obey the instructions of the 'Mujtahid' (the authority on Divine Law) in this regard, of whom she is a follower and not of anyone else.

Thus, Islam establishes an orderly family on exact moral and legal foundations, based on a strong and lasting construction so that the family, through sound married life, may play its great human role in the society.

• 1. Al-Kulayni, “Furu Al-Kafi,” Vol. 5. p. 328.
• 2. Al-Kulayni, “Furu Al-Kafi,” Vol. 5. p. 328.
• 3. Al-Kulayni, “Furu Al-Kafi,” Vol. 5. p. 32.
• 4. Al-Kulayni, “Furu Al-Kafi,” Vol. 5. p. 32.
• 5. Al-Kulayni, “Furu Al-Kafi,” Vol. 5. p. 32.
• 6. Touch my wife = have sexual intercourse with her.
• 7. Al-Kulayni, “Furu Al-Kafi,” Vol. 5. p. 494.
• 8. Al-Kulayni, “Furu’ Al-Kafi”, Vol. 5 p. 347.
• 9. Al-Kulayni, “Furu’ Al-Kafi”, Vol. 5 p 344.
• 10. Al-Kulayni, “Furu’ Al-Kafi”, Vol. 5 p. 341.
• 11. Al-Kulayni, “Furu’ Al-Kafi”, Vol. 5 p. 344-345.
• 12. Al-Kulayni, “Furu’ Al-Kafi”, Vol. 5 p. 344-345.
• 13. 'Marriage-portion' is the amount of money agreed upon on concluding the marriage contract to be given to the bride.
• 14. Al-Hurr Al-Amili, “Wasa’il Al-Shi’a,” 4th ed., p. 78-
• 15. It is said that Fatimah's (‘a) portion was 500 Dirhams, as Ali (‘a) himself had said in his speech about his marriage: “... and the Messenger of Allah (S) married me to his daughter Fatimah for 500 Dirhams. So, ask him and be witness...” Sayid Muhsin Al-Amin, "Al Majalis Al-Saniya", Vol. 2., Sec 5., p. 74-75, 6th ed.
• 16. Al-Hurr Al-Amili, “Wasa’il Al-Shi’a, Vol 7 p. 29.
• 17. Al-Hurr Al-Amili, “Wasa’il Al-Shi’a, Vol 7 p. 28. This refers to the hereditary qualities transferable from one family to another.
  • Before choosing a wife one should give consideration to the habits (good or bad) of her brother in particular and her family in general for surely the children will inherit some of their traits.
  How wonderful Islam has solved this problem before 1400 years. What modern science and medical research is doing, is only confirmation of the Universal and timeless laws of Islam.
• 18. Al-Hurr Al-Amili, “Wasa’il Al-Shi’a, Vol 7 p.37.
• 19. Al-Hurr Al-Amili, “Wasa’il Al-Shi’a, Vol 7 p.30. That is, you may be a loser.
• 20. Al-Hurr Al-Amili, “Wasa’il Al-Shi’a, Vol 7 p.33.
• 21. Al-Hurr Al-Amili, “Wasa’il Al-Shi’a, Vol 7 p.18.
• 22. Al-Hurr Al-Amili, “Wasa’il Al-Shi’a, Vol 7p.14.
• 23. Al-Hurr Al-Amili, “Wasa’il Al-Shi’a, Vol 7p.37.
• 24. Al-Hurr Al-Amili, “Wasa’il Al-Shi’a, Vol 7p.51.
• 25. Al-Hurr Al-Amili, “Wasa’il Al-Shi’a, Vol 7p.51.
• 26. Al-Hurr Al-Amili, “Wasa’il Al-Shi’a, Vol 7p.54.