In our Islamic tradition and culture, relationships are not just personal and individual. It is the coming together of two families. It should not be done in secrecy. That is a big red flag. How will he maintain his respect to her, if she's gone behind her family's back and done the most important thing in her life, without telling her family.
As is most cases, the male will definitely use this in a way that he will not show accountability to her family, and many other wrong things.
If she has not been married before, and even if she has been married, involving family is very important.
If your father and your paternal grandfather have passed away, the person who decides your marriage is yourself if you are an understanding and mature person. It is good to consult your mother and your family’s elders but it is not obligatory though causing harm or disrespect to your mother is not allowed.
Your stepfather who married your mother a fully consummated marriage is a Mahram for you and you don't need to wear Hijab in front of him. Same is his father.
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