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You never really know about people. Even in the time of the Prophet (S), there were hypocrites who pretended to be Muslim. Only Allah knows what is in the heart, and only Allah knows whether people will follow through with a lifetime commitment (such as converting to a religion - or, for that matter, having a lifelong marriage). Many of the sahabah converted instantly. So if he converts tomorrow, he could be an Abu Dharr or a Salman al-Farsi. Or he could be... someone else. One way you can glean some idea of this is with respect to how he is with commitment in life, in general. Has he followed through on other commitments, or does he tend to jump around from thing to thing? This still doesn't give you a full picture but gives you some idea. Also, people sometimes change throughout life anyway - there is no guarantee that the person you marry will be the same person forever. So, you can never know for sure, but it is good to follow your intuition and good judgment and advice from people you trust and who have wisdom. If you are having doubts, possibly your intuition is picking up on signs that your rational mind is dismissing. You could wait some time after he has converted (say, a couple years) before committing to the marriage to see how he does with Islam. That said, it is not respectful to doubt that someone is sincere about his religious belief simply because he was not born into it (unless there are some signs that the person is insincere or not thinking straight), and respect is important for marriage. So this should also be sorted out before marriage. It is not uncommon for women to convert at the time of marriage to a Muslim man and often they remain in the faith and become strong Muslims. Of course, the social situation and experiences of men are somewhat different, but just putting that out there. |
We always need to take lessons from realities of life and study the majority of similar cases before emotionally going ahead with marriage proposals based on promises. Lot of marriages have taken place based on a promise to become a Muslim but ended up with different situations few years after the marriage. Emotions before marriage usually don't last long after marriage. Usually married couples face some issues and misunderstandings between them which can decrease their emotions towards one other. Studying the results of thousands of similar cases should make us more careful before deciding as such decision is for life. As many similar promises were not fulfilled properly by many, we need to be sure that person has really accepted Islam for the sake of Allah and decided to follow the True religion. His real practice is must and not his promise. After he really practiced Islam like a good Muslim, then you can assess whether he is willing to remain a Muslim for life or just for the sake of marriage. In fact just promising to be a Muslim will not make permissible for him to marry a Muslim girl, unless he is already a Muslim. You need to be sure about your future and the future of your children. Wassalam. |
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Islam has some matters that are fixed and other matters that are flexible. If Islam did not have any flexibility, and only prescribed one rigid standard for every matter of life, it would not have been able to spread to different cultures, time periods, and ways of living. So, with respect to marriage, Islam prescribes certain things, such as performing a marriage contract, forbidding incestuous marriages, and abstaining from adultery. However, it does not prescribe whether or not a marriage should be a "love marriage". This allows for accommodation between different individuals, cultures, situations, and lifestyles. However, some Muslims are very sensitive on this point due to a sense of cultural clash, or cultural warfare, and feel it is necessary to preserve one approach to marriage or another as "the Islamic view". As for what sort of marriage succeeds best, perhaps this has more to do with certain compatibility factors, a mutual spirit of commitment, and the support that the society offers for marriage and family life - some countries are more family-friendly than others. |
Islam is the word of Allah to guide mankind to peaceful and happy life. Marriage is a human need which aims not only to continue the human generations but also to provide peace and tranquility. Islam guides to be careful in selecting in marriage and keeps two main criteria which are: Religious practice and morals, as the Hadeeth says: إذا جاءكم من ترضون دينه وخُلُقَهُ فزَوِّجوه We also have Hadeeth to guide men in selecting a wife stating to select a religious women, you will then gain a great treasure. فاظفَر بِذاتِ الدين تَرِبَت يداك Love marriage depends on the reasons of the love and whether the love is caused by desires only or logical reasons as well. Desires will never remain forever but rational reasons remain. If the reasons behind love are supported by rational evidence that the marriage will remain and form a good and peaceful family, then such love marriage is good. But if the love is blind as it is said, and does not have insight for the future, then we have to be careful. Millions of love marriages ended in divorce or in miserable situations. Though it is not the case in every love marriage but in many. Love only as an emotion can never justify marriage nor guarantee a successful future, unless there are reasonable or satisfactory factors to support the future harmony in understanding the aims of life and the way to achieve it according to the orders of Allah (SWT). Love between husband and his wife is a great bounty from Allah and it is from the great signs of Allah as we read in Quran: (And among His signs that He created for you mates from you (humans) so that you get in them tranquility, and He put between you affection and mercy)Sura 30, verse 21. Love which remains is essential for marriage even if it grows after marriage but love which does not remain is a misguiding desire. We need our youth to build their family life on permanent love which continues. Wassalam, |
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