Hell

I am sorry to hear about your situation.

This is probably due to the psychology of being in an abusive marriage; possibly the abuser always said directly or indirectly that whatever happens is your fault. (Unfortunately, other people in society will also blame the woman, even if the husband is responsible for his choices.)

Also, in life, we internalize an internal judgmental voice (like a "parent") which judges us based on the social norms that we absorb from other people. This inner voice will continue to judge us even if those people are no longer around (and, in this case, it sounds like there are people who may still be actively reinforcing these ideas). 

Many Muslim women, especially in our generation and above, internalized a voice that said that being a good Muslim woman means being married and having children, and a woman who gets divorced is bad. This idea is more about social expectations (or wanting the security of a marriage for a daughter) rather than Allah or faith.

However, it is common for Muslim women who grew up around these ideas to deal with guilt after divorce, and it can take time to revise one's ideas about what is genuinely important before Allah and in the next life and offload social expectations that no longer serve us.

Sometimes this is also a way of processing trauma as well.

In all these cases, probably the best way to handle it is through qualified psychological counselling/therapy as well as reflection on what is really important in matters of faith. Sometimes, just identifying the issue is a step forward. 

Wishing you the best!

This is excessive.

Jahannum is like a rubbish heap and the people who are in the worst space of jahannum are trash - that is, those people who have no redeeming qualities and no hope of improvement because they have destroyed themselves. For instance, despots who wantonly rape, torture, and kill; or people who cheat the poor and live lavishly and show it off in their faces. 

Allah mentions in the Qur'an those people whom He does not love (oppressors, etc), and from this list, we can get an idea of some of the biggest things that lead people deep into hell. Clothing style is not mentioned on this list. 

However, one should remember, in the hereafter, our outer deeds are weighed along with our intention. So a person might do something that seems small in this world, but it would become big there because of their intention. So, for instance, if someone wears a certain clothing style with the goal to challenge or mock Allah and to spread a destructive ideology, this would be something very serious. Conversely, Allah might forgive a major sin like murder because He understands the circumstances. 

So we cannot say 100% what are the results of our actions, but, in general, the worst parts of hell are for the people who do the worst things, like Firawn. 

Some people say things like what you say based on some narrations which, when you dig into them, are rather questionable. 

People focus on the outer more than the inner because it is apparent and because people have other challenges that relate to being a social being or controlling their own nafs, but Allah takes the whole picture into account.

The Qur'an mentions "the heights" (a'raf) in the world of the hereafter:

"And between the two there shall be a veil, and on the heights there shall be men who know all by their marks, and they shall call out to the dwellers of the garden: Peace be on you; they shall not have yet entered it, though they hope. [...] And the dwellers of the heights shall call out to men whom they will recognize by their marks, saying: Of no avail were to you your amassing and your behaving haughtily: Are these they about whom you swore that Allah will not bestow mercy on them? Enter the garden; you shall have no fear, nor shall you grieve." (7:46, 48-49)

However, the Qur'an does not specify what "the heights" are or which men are on it. Therefore, scholars and commentators have advanced a number of viewpoints. Narrations also vary somewhat. 

In the Twelver Shi'i tradition, one of the most common views is that the men on the heights are the Prophet (S) and the Imams (A). Those who are in harmony with them many enter Paradise, but no one can enter Paradise if they are hostile to or rejected by them. 

Some commentators (Sunni and Shi'i) have also put forward the view that it is a  holding place for people who deserve neither paradise nor hell (for instance, they have equal good and bad deeds; they did not have religious responsibility due to dying young, mental illness, or never hearing the call to God), and whose judgment is delayed, so they await their final judgment there. This also appears in narrations. Some have also suggested they await the intercession of the Prophet and Imams there. 

Other views have also been advanced.

That said, the word a'raf carries the connotation of "knowing" (such as in the word 'arif used for a mystic), and it does lend the sense that the people on the a'raf might also be imbued with special knowledge and insight. The ayat also suggest they have a special form of knowledge, since they recognize people by their marks, even though many things will be made clear to all people in the hereafter. This supports the idea that the men on their heights are the Prophet and Imams; or, at least, people with a sharp spiritual knowledge.

Perhaps several of these views are correct. God knows best.

This is a good question, which has been discussed by scholars. These are some views:

1. Heaven and hell exist outside of our normal time, because they are eternal. So, when we do a good act in this life, we build something at the same time in heaven (like hadith speaking of planting a tree in heaven). However, we do not experience it until after we leave this world and go through the Resurrection. Since the mi'raj occurred outside normal space and time, the Prophet (S) was able to see the eternal reality rather than being bound to our reality, which consists of normal space and time, and from which the eternal realities of Heaven and Hell are veiled. I personally favour this view.

2. When the Prophet (S) saw heaven and hell, he saw the heaven and hell of barzakh. That is, when we are in barzakh but before Resurrection, we also experience a type of heaven or hell based on our deeds, but which continues only until the Resurrection and is not eternal. 

3. Allah showed the Prophet (S) a vision or appearance of what will happen in the future in Heaven or Hell. Allah can do that because Allah knows all things and can present knowledge of the unseen to anyone He wills. 

Also, it should be remembered that while the idea that the Prophet (S) experienced the mi'raj is established in Qur'an and hadith, individual narrations about what he saw may be correct or incorrect.