Mother

143476

Is it disobedience or hurtful to my mother if I refuse to create recipes for her cooking page even though she wants me to, and instead focus on my studies?

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 3 anni fa

You should obey her and be sure that she is really happy with you.

141197

Mother . School . Hijab . Islam

My mother threatens me that she will not allow me to go anywhere but school if I don't wear the Hijab. Is she allowed to do this in Islam?

Your mother is concerned about your life and your future in this life and hereafter. She wants you to obey your Creator Who Created you and Who is looking after you in every moment. We don't enforce religion on others, but you need to understand and submit to the will of Allah on every Muslim female to wear Hijab. You question whether the action of your mother is allowed in Islam, leads me to ask you frankly: If you are really concerned about what is allowed or not allowed, then ask yourself : is it allowed in Islam for a female to go out with out Hijab?

Wassalam.

139129

Mother . Home . Mental Illness . Narcissism

I have mental illnesses and by being with my narcissistic mother they become worse. Can I move out from her home if she hurts me mentally and emotionally while being available to help her when she needs?

Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answer updated 3 anni fa

Yes.

(However, if you have a mental illness, this would be on the condition that you are able to care for yourself and live on your own, or else that you will have the required support and assistance. Since mental illnesses vary in nature, this may or may not be relevant to you personally.)

112970

Wife . Mother

My wife does not like me visiting and spending time with my mother. I currently ignore my wife and still visit my mother. Am I being unfair or is it unfair for her to complain that I spend too much time with my mother?

Visiting your mother and being very nice to her and to your father is your responsibility as a good human being beside your Islamic duty as Muslim. You need also to give your wife her rights and never ignore your responsibility towards her. Keeping the balance is always required between different responsibilities. As far as you don't do injustice to your wife's rights, you must always look after your parents in every possible way and spend with whatever they need from you.

Wassalam.

137362

Mother . Children . Obedience

If one's mother interferes and wants to control in almost all the things of the child's life who is 30 years old, how much must the child obey her?

Rebecca Masterton, Dr Rebecca Masterton graduated with a BA in Japanese Language and Literature; an MA in Comparative East Asian and African Literature and a PhD in Islamic literature of West Africa. She has been... Answer updated 3 anni fa

Sometimes mothers find it hard to accept that their children are adults. If the child is now a man, then he needs to be respected as a man, and not emasculated and controlled by a woman, even if that woman is his mother. If the child is a woman, the mother needs to understand that by attempting to micromanage her daughter's life she is actually crippling her emotionally, and this will cause problems either with finding a husband for her daughter, or with her daughter's already existing marriage. According to the teachings of the Ahl al-Bayt (as), the respect due to parents is conditional upon how they treat their children. It is well known that according to ahadith, it is recommended that after the age of fourteen, the child should be treated as a 'friend', not as a seven-year-old. There is a non confrontational method of establishing boundaries called "grey rock", which you can find out more about on YouTube. You may also want to research "narcissistic" or "controlling" mothers, and something else called "emotional enmeshment". I will update this answer further with references inshaAllah.

Mother . Children . Obedience

If one's mother interferes and wants to control in almost all the things of the child's life who is 30 years old, how much must the child obey her?

You must tolerate and keep on tolerating no matter how much and how long your mother interferes or controls. Never show any reaction against her and avoid any word or less which can hurt your mother's feelings and dignity as your mother.

Wassalam.

131349

Mother . Grandparents . Sayyid

My grandfather mentioned to me that his mother was a Sayyeda. Does that mean I am a descendant of the Prophet Muhammad (s)?

Being a descendant of a person or a family depends on the definition of descendant. In general you are a descendant of all your grandfathers and grand mothers. But if you ask about being a Sayyed, then the definition of a Sayyed is the person who was born from a Sayyed father. So, your grandfather is related to the Prophet's family from his mother, but since his father was not a Sayyed, he is not a Sayyed. This is the verdict of most of our great scholars.

Wassalam.

136385

Husband . Mother . Son . Marriage

My husband would like his mother to live with us as she is single and lives alone and he is the eldest son. Can he impose that decision or do I have the right to refuse if I fear that her living with us will cause problems in our marriage?

Seyed Ali Shobayri, Seyed Ali Shobayri is of mixed Iranian and Scottish descent who found the path of the Ahlul Bayt (a) by his own research. He holds a BA in Islamic Studies from Middlesex University through the... Answered 3 anni fa

Bismillah,

Asalamu Alaykom,

It isn't wajib for one's parents to live with them. Yes, one can live with the in-laws however in many cases it has caused issues in marriages. It is your right upon your husband to have a comfortable home and your own privacy. Yes, he can perhaps get his mother to move closer if he wants to have a good relationship with her but it wouldn't be recommend for her to move in if this would cause you discomfort. This should be voiced to your husband that it isn't obliged for you to accept this if it may cause issues.

May Allah grant you success

131672

Mother . Wife . Love . Domestic violence

My mother is verbally abusive to my wife. My wife is a good mother and wife and I love her. But my mother absolutely hates her. What is my duty to both of them?

It is unacceptable for a mother-in-law to be verbally abusive to her daughter-in-law. Verbal abuse, jealousy and hatred to that extent can be part of a personality disorder. I can recommend researching in detail the characteristics of the malignant, narcissistic woman and mother. In insulting someone you love, she is also abusing you. Mothers with a narcissistic personality disorder (as opposed to just being self-centred) are competitive in terms of who their child loves most.

How your children see you behave with your mother and wife will affect their own marriages down the line. Can you ask your mother not to verbally abuse your wife? If you feel you can't, that is revealing something about how your mother has trained you to relate to her, i.e. to remain passive and take the abuse; to not have enough self-worth to even politely ask her not to be verbally abusive.

Your duty is to love and protect your wife. You are the head of your household. You also have to protect the well being of your children. If they see their mother being abused their well being will be affected too.

According to Ayatollah Dastghayb-Shirazi, you are entitled to minimise or even cut ties with family members whose bad behaviour you can't reform, or whose bad behaviour gets worse by your presence, or whose bad behaviour you indirectly condone by co-operating with them. Being good to your parents does not mean condoning behaviour that could destroy your family.

https://www.al-islam.org/greater-sins-volume-1-sayyid-abdul-husayn-dastg...

91096

Father . Mother . Anger

I tried advising my father to be nice to my mother after he was rude to her. I did not intend to upset him but he still got angry. Will his anger affect my life? What can I do to protect myself if he gets angry again for no reason?

You may want to look on youtube at videos on narcissistic personality disorder. Rages can be a symptom of that. There are coaches on-line that teach you how to protect yourself. I can recommend Dr Ramani, Anna Runkle, and Dr Daniel Fox. Look up the 'grey rock' method. Also be careful that you are not being used emotionally by your mother as a 'flying monkey', or that you are being 'parentified' (i.e. your mother is the child and you are the parent that feels you have to protect her). Not saying that this is happening, but it is something to be aware of.

127039

Mother . Children

I am a 32 year old married woman and I think that my mother doesn't like me much. Some of her comments really break my heart and there's nothing I can do. Sometimes these harsh comments are also for my kids. What should I do?

This is going on in thousands of families but you as a believing and God fearing person should deal with it carefully and humbly.
You must tolerate your mother in every possible way. She is after all your mother and her right in you is greater than explaining. Even if the parents were non believers,b their rights as parents remains great in their children. Try your best to avoid instigating her by any word or act, and always tolerate her behavior and comments. It might be a test for you from Allah to examine your faith in Allah. Never react badly to any of her behavior and comments. Annoying your mother or father causes anger of Allah on you, God forbid.

Wassalam.

123315

Mother . Dream . Death . Anger

If I haven't see my mother in my dream after her death, while she has appeared in the dreams of other relatives, does that indicate her anger at me?

No - some people remember their dreams better than others or are more open to these things. Also you can't be sure that other people's dreams are actual communication, although sometimes you get an idea one way or the other.

Inshallah she would not have reasons to be angry to you after she has passed on - many things we are angry about in life become unimportant once we are not dealing with the material and social realities of this world. Allah also says in the Qur'an that He will remove bad feelings from people's hearts in jannah.

However if you are concerned that she is angry at you, you could pray that she forgives you.

Sorry to hear about your loss.

Mother

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