If one's mother interferes and wants to control in almost all the things of the child's life who is 30 years old, how much must the child obey her? | Ask A Question | Al-Islam.org

Mother Children Obedience

If one's mother interferes and wants to control in almost all the things of the child's life who is 30 years old, how much must the child obey her?

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Rebecca Masterton, Dr Rebecca Masterton graduated with a BA in Japanese Language and Literature; an MA in Comparative East Asian and African Literature and a PhD in Islamic literature of West Africa. She has been... Answer updated 3 years ago

Sometimes mothers find it hard to accept that their children are adults. If the child is now a man, then he needs to be respected as a man, and not emasculated and controlled by a woman, even if that woman is his mother. If the child is a woman, the mother needs to understand that by attempting to micromanage her daughter's life she is actually crippling her emotionally, and this will cause problems either with finding a husband for her daughter, or with her daughter's already existing marriage. According to the teachings of the Ahl al-Bayt (as), the respect due to parents is conditional upon how they treat their children. It is well known that according to ahadith, it is recommended that after the age of fourteen, the child should be treated as a 'friend', not as a seven-year-old. There is a non confrontational method of establishing boundaries called "grey rock", which you can find out more about on YouTube. You may also want to research "narcissistic" or "controlling" mothers, and something else called "emotional enmeshment". I will update this answer further with references inshaAllah.

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 3 years ago

You must tolerate and keep on tolerating no matter how much and how long your mother interferes or controls. Never show any reaction against her and avoid any word or less which can hurt your mother's feelings and dignity as your mother.

Wassalam.