Ask A Question About Islam And Muslims

24 Questions

It is better to keep your issues with your husband between you and him with out involving others as much as possible. If you both are completely unable to sort your things together then a person from your family with a person from his family can be involved to sort things out. Don't try to make your parents take a negative opinion about your husband by hearing your side of the story before hearing his side. Involving your parents should repair and strengthen the relation between you and your husband and never to create enmity or bad feeling between them and your husband. You and your husband should talk peacefully to understand the reasons of your misunderstands and to try to avoid it as much as possible.

Wassalam.

Bismihi ta'āla

Nobody is allowed to be violent towards anyone. Violence will not solve anything, especially within a family. A brother has no authority over his sister, so he has no right to discipline or even raise his voice, let alone be violent.

You must read the biography of the Imams (a.s.), to understand their style of raising family members, and how compassionate they were in their method of discipline.

And Allah knows best

Quran, the Prophet (SAWA) and Ahlul Bayt (AS) have clearly ordered every Muslim to be just and fair when dealing with others. Talk  to people in nice way. (Sura 2, verse 83). Prophetic Hadeeth orders us: Deal with people in the same way which you want them to deal with you, and talk to them in the same way that you want them to talk to you. No one is allowed to verbally, emotionally, physically abuse others. Such abuse can be a major sin.

This is a general Islamic rule which is obligatory in all Muslims when they deal any other person.

Wassalm.

I am sorry to hear about your situation.

This is probably due to the psychology of being in an abusive marriage; possibly the abuser always said directly or indirectly that whatever happens is your fault. (Unfortunately, other people in society will also blame the woman, even if the husband is responsible for his choices.)

Also, in life, we internalize an internal judgmental voice (like a "parent") which judges us based on the social norms that we absorb from other people. This inner voice will continue to judge us even if those people are no longer around (and, in this case, it sounds like there are people who may still be actively reinforcing these ideas). 

Many Muslim women, especially in our generation and above, internalized a voice that said that being a good Muslim woman means being married and having children, and a woman who gets divorced is bad. This idea is more about social expectations (or wanting the security of a marriage for a daughter) rather than Allah or faith.

However, it is common for Muslim women who grew up around these ideas to deal with guilt after divorce, and it can take time to revise one's ideas about what is genuinely important before Allah and in the next life and offload social expectations that no longer serve us.

Sometimes this is also a way of processing trauma as well.

In all these cases, probably the best way to handle it is through qualified psychological counselling/therapy as well as reflection on what is really important in matters of faith. Sometimes, just identifying the issue is a step forward. 

Wishing you the best!