How can I sway my parents' opinion if they reject a non-Iraqi suitor due to Scandinavian nationality and not being Arab? Why is there little effort to address this cultural mindset in Arab societies? | Ask A Question | Al-Islam.org

Parents Marriage Proposal

How can I sway my parents' opinion if they reject a non-Iraqi suitor due to Scandinavian nationality and not being Arab? Why is there little effort to address this cultural mindset in Arab societies?

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 2 years ago

Bismihi ta'ala

This is not just an Arab mindset, or limited to any race or nationality. In general, people like to stay within their own culture and background, for many reasons. Shared heritage, preserving culture, easier compatibility, less differences, and so on.

There are studies that say that inter-racial marriages are less stable. I might not necessarily agree with this, but it is definitely more difficult when marrying someone from a different culture, with many challenges.

What I am saying is if your parents are of the opinion that their children should marry within their culture, it does not mean that it is a bad thing. They have their certain understanding of things, and you as their child must respect and honour that. Indeed pleasing your parents and keeping them happy is by far greater than any choice one can make.

Of course, these are discussions that should take place way before you fall in love with someone, and before you become emotionally attached to someone, because if it gets to that stage, you will not be interested in what your parents say, and this will create clash.

Yes, a parent should be flexible, and try to accommodate, and it would be haram and oppressive if the parent refuses to be lenient and cooperate if the son/daughter is completely convinced that this suitor meets all the shar'i, moral and social requirements.

I would say that there is a lot of effort to address these issues of marriage, but maybe not in the way modern society likes to hear. We have to try and keep our concept of marriage as traditionally Islamic as possible, and within the guidelines and guidance of parents and elders, as long as they are shar'i and sensible.

With prayers for your success