Marriage Proposal

Bismihi ta'āla

Please refer to previous answers regarding this topic of istikharah and marriage. They will be useful for you to read. Should you and your family have done due dilligence in investigating him and how religious he is and his high akhlaq and there is compatibility between the both of you, rely on your judgment and corect evaluation, rather than istikharah.

And Allah knows best

Bismihi ta'ala

Congratulations on your proposal. If he meets the right requirements for a spouse, and there is compatibility, and families are happy, go ahead. 

No, there are no restrictions, other than the basic shar'i matters, like halal food, no alcohol, etc. Besides this, you and him can visit them in Christmas, and be with them, like any other family. 

And Allah knows best

Bismihi ta'ala

In this kind of situation, it is always best to have correct healthy communication with parents, to see the grounds, requirements and expectations the parents have towards who they want their child to get married to. 

You might think the father's excuse is baseless, or unfair, but your assessment might be wrong. 

The father is the guardian (wali), and he must act according to the interest of the daughter, which means if someone who is religious and has akhlaq, and is compatible to her (kuf`), proposes, and she expresses interest and approves, and everything is good from every other aspect, it is haram for him to refuse.

In Islam, it is called 'adhl (عضل), and it means the male guardian prohibiting marriage of women under his custody. And it is haram. 

And Allah knows best

Bismihi ta'ala

This is not just an Arab mindset, or limited to any race or nationality. In general, people like to stay within their own culture and background, for many reasons. Shared heritage, preserving culture, easier compatibility, less differences, and so on. 

There are studies that say that inter-racial marriages are less stable. I might not necessarily agree with this, but it is definitely more difficult when marrying someone from a different culture, with many challenges.

What I am saying is if your parents are of the opinion that their children should marry within their culture, it does not mean that it is a bad thing. They have their certain understanding of things, and you as their child must respect and honour that. Indeed pleasing your parents and keeping them happy is by far greater than any choice one can make. 

Of course, these are discussions that should take place way before you fall in love with someone, and before you become emotionally attached to someone, because if it gets to that stage, you will not be interested in what your parents say, and this will create clash. 

Yes, a parent should be flexible, and try to accommodate, and it would be haram and oppressive if the parent refuses to be lenient and cooperate if the son/daughter is completely convinced that this suitor meets all the shar'i, moral and social requirements. 

I would say that there is a lot of effort to address these issues of marriage, but maybe not in the way modern society likes to hear. We have to try and keep our concept of marriage as traditionally Islamic as possible, and within the guidelines and guidance of parents and elders, as long as they are shar'i and sensible. 

With prayers for your success

Bismihi ta'ala

There is no "sin" in rejecting a marriage proposal, and there is no "sin" in marrying a non-Sayyid. 

You must marry someone who, along with having the fundamental qualities of being religious and good akhlaq, but also compatible with you as well, and whether he is a Sayyid or not is irrelevant. 

And Allah knows best

Bismihi ta'ala

You and your family should not rely on istikharah for making the decision of marriage. Istikharah should not be the primary tool to be used for marriage selection. 

The age gap that you mentioned is not really a major issue, and could be overlooked, if there is compatibility and commonalities and attraction towards each other.

However, as you said there is no attraction, and you do not have that certainty in this marriage proposal, then I would recommend you not rush into this, and not allow your parents to pressure you. 

You have every right to decline this proposal as well, and if you are doing the right thing, you wont need to regret in the future.

For marriage, the important thing is him being religious, having good morals, good reputation, and there being compatibility between you and him. 

Sit with him, once or twice, or even three times, and ask the right questions, especially about future plans and what your ambitions and goals are, and how his views agree with you or not, and then make your decision. Not based on istikharah, but based on the information you have.

With prayers for your success.