Bismihi ta'ala

This is a difficult, but unfortunately common situation. As young adults wish to commence their married life, their main focus is stability and building a relationship with their new partner. 

Sadly, with some parents of different generations and incorrect mindsets, their focus is more on gaining social status, trying to please those around them, showing off wealth, etc. 

Of course, at times parents might think that having a lavish wedding is their method of expressing their happiness and love, but indeed this is the wrong and un-Islamic way of doing so. 

Alhamdullilah, the groom is conscious of these things, and his focus is on more important matters. The groom does not need to "donate" the money to the needy. Yes, giving sadaqah is good, but at the same time, this money that the parents want to use to spend of extravagent wedding can be used to invest in their future. For example, as a down-payment for their house, and so on.

I discuss these things in detail on a FB page I have. Please visit it:

https://www.facebook.com/Wedding-the-Halal-Way-1659428630969248/

With prayers for your success.