I am seeking guidance on a very sensitive matter. About a year ago, I entered into a mutah contract with a young man to avoid haram. There was no intercourse, and from my research many marājiʿ consider mutah permissible if the conditions are fulfilled. Since then, both of us have repented, worked on our deen, and now wish to marry permanently. I am Iraqi, he is Lebanese, and his family is ready to formally propose. My parents strongly oppose this marriage, not for religious reasons but for cultural ones (his age, studies, and background). At first, they said they will not allow it, but now they say they will “let” me marry him—only on the condition that after the wedding they will disown me completely and never look back at me. In addition, they are asking for a very high dowry that I personally do not want. My mother has reacted very harshly throughout this process—insulting me, accusing me of haram, making duʿa that if I marry him my future children will turn out corrupt, and even hitting me at times. One of my brothers also physically abused me in the past. Despite this, I try to respect them and ask forgiveness, because I know the high status of parents in Islam. What confuses me is that my brothers both married non-Iraqi women. My mother opposed them at first but eventually accepted and now treats them and their wives with love. In my case, she says she will never accept. My question is: Islamically, what is my duty? If this man is religious and of good character, am I allowed to marry him even if my parents refuse, threaten to disown me, and make duʿa against my marriage? And what is the ruling regarding their demand for a high dowry that I do not want?
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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi,
Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to religious questions. In the past, he has also spent significant time in India guiding the community. 4499 Answers
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Amina Inloes,
Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the Islamic College in London and also the Managing Editor of the Journal of Shi'a Islamic Studies. 730 Answers
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As a virgin Muslim girl, you need your father's or your paternal grand father's approval for your marriage. If your father's refusal is based on un Islamic reasons, then you might try convincing him through your relatives of family friends who can talk to him. You should always keep the respect for your parents and never utter a word which can harm their feelings.
In case your father insists on rejecting for un Islamic reasons, you can refer to you Marje' of Taqleed and seek his advice or verdict after explaining your situation.
Wassalam.