If I get to know before marriage that the person with whom I am going to be married has slept with prostitutes and I am the only one who knows it, should I get married to him or not? | Ask A Question | Al-Islam.org

If I get to know before marriage that the person with whom I am going to be married has slept with prostitutes and I am the only one who knows it, should I get married to him or not?

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answer updated 5 years ago

It's up to you to decide whether you and this person share the same ethical values that would likely lead to a good marriage.

However... this may be a cause of "if you have to ask the question, you already know the answer." (That is, if it weren't a concern to you, you wouldn't ask; inside, you already know what you should do but may be second-guessing yourself.)

Anyway, here are some things you could consider:

Why prostitutes instead of a girlfriend? (Unless it he lives somewhere strict where he couldn't have a girlfriend, which is increasingly rare) I am not advocating having a girlfriend. (Please, no angry emails!) However, if someone has a girlfriend, they are at least demonstrating the emotional and personal maturity to invest in a relationship. Paying for company can be a way of avoiding the inconvenience of actually having a relationship. Is there any hint that this person might have difficulty with emotional commitment to a relationship?
How do you feel about the religious aspect of violating the command of Allah, and do you share the same religious values and worldview presently?
How do you feel about the objectification of women involved in paying for services?
Once a person has done something once, they may do it again. How would you feel if he continued this during your marriage?
If you are coming from a conservative or cautious religious background (for instance, no dating), it might not be a good match. Among other things, there may be resentment that he was indulging while you were trying your best to be chaste. Also, some women might feel insecure about the possibility of being compared to a professional sex worker.
Has he been tested for STD's?
And, how important this marriage is to you? Do you feel like this man is your soulmate and you will be losing out on a big opportunity in life if you pass up on this marriage? Or is it just that you're ready to get married and he happens to be around?

(While some of the above is inherently critical, I do think it is good he is being honest about it rather than hiding things)

These are just some thoughts, but in the end it is your decision, I hope and pray that what happens is the best for both of you.

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 5 years ago

Bismihi ta'ala

As you know, the primary requirements for spouse selection is that the prospect spouse adheres to religious precepts and carries high moral standards.

These two conditions are of utmost importance. This is why both men and women must keep our chastity and be as righteous as we can, which means that we save ourselves for our spouse-to-be, and try to observe as much Jihad al-Nafs in avoiding pursuing our lusts until marriage time.

Of course, this is why it is so important to get married at a young age. It's also why we need to preserve our dignity and keep a good reputation. Obviously, sleeping around with prostitutes goes against all of these basic social and moral requirements that any wife would want.

We might say that this person has a bad past, and that he regrets it and is shameful of it, so why hold it against him.

The answer to this is, yes, we should not hold something against someone who has changed their ways, but it is still a risk of to what extent can one rely on their past not affecting or not creeping up again. What kind of assurance is there that such an individual has not turned into a promiscuous person, or maybe even a womaniser.

I would say that although this is something confidential, and personal, for you to completely dismiss it and go ahead with the marriage, such a decision might have negative repercussions.

Please consult with your family members, do some further background investigation into this person's life, and do not emotionally invest into anything unless you are absolutely confident that you are making the right decision.

With prayers for your success.