Dear Parents: Advice About Your Newlyweds

When a young boy get married and he still relies financially on his parents. Interference happening in the relationship. You are my father, my earning is very little. I rely on you on many things. Then I get married. Definitely, if you supply and you help me, you will interfere. You will tell me what to do and what not to do. And I am scared to tell you no, because at the end of the day half of my monthly expenditure is in your hand. Therefore, Islam says you are there and also give your children freedom. Let them think. Let them decide on their family.

Number two, immaturity causes interference. Immaturity, how? You find this boy is not that mature to look after a woman. He has just been subjected to pressure for him to get married. So, he gets married. Definitely, you will rely on those who pressurize him to get married for advice. And that also causes a lot of problems.

Number three, Suwu Tafahum, misunderstanding. Maybe sometime the father and the mother, they are advising him something but the way he implemented is something that he understands it different way. And that also causes misunderstanding within marriage and it causes a lot of problems in our marriages.

And the last one is that you find some of our mothers and fathers, even if their daughters and son get married, they still think that it is mommy's boy and mommy's daughter. Where is your holiday this year? They tell no, you must go to South Africa. The wife says, no I do not want to go to South Africa. He says no, my mother said you must go to South Africa. Why do you want to disrespect my mother? It is not disrespect. Do not interfere in their life.

Every single person is entitled to privacy, even if it is your daughter and your son. Now they are married, they have to decide the way they want to do. Unless you see them going astray, Naudhu bi-Llah, going out of the way, give them space, do not interfere too much. And it is causing a lot of problems in our nikah.

Therefore it is highly recommended, even this is not like Hadith but scholars always recommend. If you have your son and the son is married, and you have the capability, let the son stay somewhere far from you. Let him grow the later if you want to bring him next to his final problem. Because you keep him under, he comes, the mom cook the food. Now you find the in-laws are fighting the in-laws, these in-laws, that one in-laws, that one in-laws.

So, in conclusion, Islam is a religion that gives intellect room to think, and most especially within our marital relationship. You as father in-law or as mother in-law, your son will remain your son until the Day of Qiyamah.

But the moment your son is married you cannot interfere too much into the relationship. What they eat is none of your business, what they wear is none of your business. How they want their room to look like it is none of your business.

And you as a son also whose married, learn to stop every small thing, you want to call your mom and ask. Because some of the sons are like that. Small things, you want to call mommy, what do you do it? And stop telling your wife, my mother's food is the best food.

This is all the complains we recieve. So, we need to. She does not know how to cook. I really miss my mother's food. Now if you tell this miskina, this poor lady, I miss my mother's food, what she will do? She will go in the corner of the room and cry. Keep on encouraging her and she will encourage you. And InshaAllah if your heart is clean, Allah Tabarak wa Ta'ala, will make it easy for you. InshaAllah.