Amina Inloes

Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the Islamic College in London and also the Managing Editor of the Journal of Shi'a Islamic Studies.

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Since temporary marriage does not have a fixed paradigm for how people live it out in daily life, you have to decide what is fair for you. As a wise person once said, if you have to ask the question, you already know the answer. 

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 3 months ago

God's Emissaries by Shaykh Rizwan Arastu contains a section on him. The book is based on Qur'an and traditional narrations, and is readable. 

Of course, there are many takes on this story, and you will find ample discussion elsewhere as well.

Reading books of tafsir is also a good option. 

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 4 months ago

Women have looked to marriage to escape difficult family situations for ages, and it is natural to want to get married at your age.

If you choose that route, be sure that the person you marry is a good choice (as much as you can tell) so that you go into a better situation, not a worse situation. 

Sometimes girls tend towards marrying someone like their father, because he is a familiar model of manhood, and if he has some difficult traits, be sure those are not found in your future husband.

Also, my personal advice is, do not tell your future husband that you married him to leave home, because that can make you seem vulnerable or might make him feel unwanted. Rather, just focus on building a life together and the positive aspects of being together. 

If you can move away for university, study abroad, work, or other opportunities, that may also be an option. Financial independence can give you security and let you marry by choice rather than necessity. 

In any case, it is good to have some idea what your expected future direction might be - for instance, does your family expect you to marry, do they expect you to work, do they expect you to stay home and keep doing the same thing, etc. It sound like there might not have been much guidance or discussion in this area.

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 5 months ago

Having lived for a few months in the GTA (Greater Toronto Area), I can confirm that Mississuaga and Vaughan are commonly considered to be part of the same city unit for the purposes of praying and fasting. That is, you do not say qasr prayers or break fast if you go from one to the other.

Here is an interesting website addressing the question of qasr prayers in the GTA: https://al-m.ca/travel/#gta

The local ulama should also be able to help with any specific questions about travelling questions in the area, since many people have questions about travel prayers!

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answer updated 5 months ago

Although it's more difficult to control feelings than to control actions, it's good to try to let go of resentment as much as possible since it only poisons you and does not help anything. It is better to focus on anything practical you can do that is best for the situation (if there is anything), and if there isn't anything you can do, try to focus on other things. 
 

Sometimes as we make our way through life, we get a better understanding of the psychological reasons why parents act in a less than ideal way and can have compassion for that, even if their choices were harmful to themselves, ourselves, or others. 

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 5 months ago

If you have a mosque near you, you could ask the imam of the mosque if he knows anyone. You could also ask friends. Joining Islamic groups (especially in person) never hurts! :)

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 5 months ago

Islam discourages racism and tribalism and encourages accepting any suitor who is mu'min and compatible. However people are complicated, especially when it comes to their expectations for their children's marriage and potential future descendants. I am sorry you have to go through that. 

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 5 months ago

Different people have different unspoken expectations for how other people should behave, and we get these expectations from various places (family, school, etc). Some people are good at recognising and communicating their unspoken expectations, and others are not, and just get angry if someone violates their expectations. Having different unspoken expectations is a major cause of tension between people, especially in a marriage. When he is done being upset, you could try asking him in a non-confrontational way why he was upset, since there could be any number of reasons. 

While traditional Muslim clothing for both men and women tends to be long and loose, after colonialism, it became common in some places for men to wear western clothing and women to wear traditional clothing (in part because women are seen as keepers of the culture). So there is a lot going on that is not necessarily about shariah when it comes to clothing and identity. Of course Islam prescribes modesty and decency for both men and women but does not require a specific cultural style. 
 

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answer updated 5 months ago

It tends to be a big challenge for people, especially in youth. Often, as people get older, that particular temptation becomes less, and other temptations come to the forefront. (Exceptions apply!)

However, although that is a common temptation, there is no one single challenge that everyone faces equally - our temptations are as diverse as ourselves. Possibly, your brother is going through a difficult time managing this aspect of himself, and this is why he said that. 

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I am sorry to hear that. Most likely, he knows that alcohol is disallowed in Islam, but doesn't care. (There are many things Muslims debate over; alcohol is rarely one of them.) He may also have some dependency on alcohol. You can advise him, but in the end he will make his own decision.

What you should do depends on yourself and the situation. Sometimes, drinking itself is the problem (for instance, if someone becomes violent or overspends because of it), and sometimes it is symptomatic of other problems (here, a difference about religion, and/or other problems in the marriage - often, people are willing to overlook a great deal if a marriage is going well, even if they disapprove of it). 

I think you should consider your situation holistically - how is the marriage overall, what are your options financially and practically, are there other concerns,  would you lose contact with your children if you left him, and how much psychological stress is it causing you  - and talk to someone you know in person who can give you good advice based on your situation overall. Also, many religiously minded parents want their children to be raised religiously, and if your husband would have custody and is not religious, it might not be what you want (I am sure you have already taken that into consideration). 

While it's advised in hadith not to marry someone who drinks, that is a decision to make before marriage; now you are in the marriage already and have children, so it's a reality you have to navigate and make the best choice about. In the end, it's something you need to sort out for yourself, because advice for one person will differ from advice for another person.

With duas! 

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 5 months ago

Sometimes, either for that person's sake, for the sake of someone else (such as a victim), or for reasons that we do not know about. However, not always. The line between free will and fate can be blurry. 

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You should do your best and try to show through your actions that being Shi'i has made you a better person, and try to be respectful even if you are being mistreated. I recommend avoiding debate about it (unless your family is open to discussion) - usually teenagers do not win arguments with their parents, and you are socially and financially disempowered at this time in life. Debates about religion are often about other subjects too, such as identity and control.

Beyond that, just try to do your best to learn and hold to what you believe; if you need to do taqiyya, you can. 

I can empathize with this since I started to practice Islam when I was 14, and it was not welcomed in the household. So I used to study Arabic and other things at school (I hid books and read them during class), and do wudu in the closet. I am not recommending that you stop paying attention at school, but I am just saying that teenagers find a way to do what they feel they are called to!

While it was difficult for me at the time to be disallowed from associating with other Muslims, I also realize now that being on my own forced me to formulate my own beliefs and understandings rather than just going with the crowd, and this was helpeful in the long run. So patience is a virtue. (Of course, nowadays it is somewhat different with internet, where we can access religious media of any type easily)

Inshallah when you are older, you will also have more freedom to practice and learn more, especially if you have the opportunity to go to university. Also, it usually gets easier to make your own decisions as an adult, when you have your own finances and your own life. 

I am sure others will have advice as well!