Marriage

Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a culturally and often legally recognised union between people called spouses. It establishes rights and obligations between them, as well as between them and their children (if any), and between them and their in-laws. It is nearly a cultural universal, but the definition of marriage varies between cultures and religions, and over time.

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Engagement . Marriage

What is the process for engagement and marriage in Shia Islam? Do you need a Sheikh to get engaged or just for the marriage?

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 4 years ago

Bismihi ta'ala

Just to clarify something. In Islam, we have the Islamic marriage contract, which we call nikah, and that is when the bride and groom have their nikah ceremony, making them mahram and Islamically husband and wife.

This does not necessarily mean they are living together, which is why some might call this "engagement", and then a while later they have their "wedding" ceremony, and move in to live together.

In regards to the nikah, it can be done by anyone, as long as the correct requirements are met.

Hopefully that answers your question.

And Allah knows best

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Knowledge . Parents . Father . Marriage . Secrecy

I am getting married in secret without the knowledge of my parents. Will I need my father's permission or will my father need to be present during the Nikah?

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answer updated 4 years ago

Virgin girl does need her father's permission for her marriage if her father is a Muslim and does not reject the marriage for un Islamic reasons. Your father does not need to attend your Nikah but he must agree on it if it is your first marriage.

There are certain cases when this condition becomes void like when you need the marriage to save yourself from sinful act, and your father is refusing the marriage for reasons which are invalid in Islam.

Wassalam.

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Cousin . Woman . Marriage

Is it allowed to talk to my female cousin when we have both admitted to liking each other and it is most likely, but not guaranteed, that we will get married in the future?

Your female cousin is non Mahram to you and it is not allowed for you to look at her with out Hijab, nor talk to her in any emotional or love words unless you enter with her in a temporary marriage contract with its conditions.

Wassalam.

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Wife . Marriage . Western Society . Polygamy

Is it ok to secretly marry a second wife if the laws of the country, like in many countries in the West, does not allow marrying more than one wife at a time?

We are not dealing here with legal matters nor giving any legal advice. We are dealing with Islamic matters and reflecting the rulings of the leading scholars ( Maraaji' of Taqleed). Muslim should not break the law of the country where he lives unless it contradicts with his faith and religion.
Main matter in second marriage is fulfilling the Islamic conditions of practical justice between wives. If this condition is not fulfilled, second marriage will be not permissible in Islam.

If your question is a legal question, you should ask your legal adviser.

Wassalam.

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Marriage . Prophet Jesus

I read in two books, Kitab ul Fitan by Naeem Bin Hammad and another one by Anwar Shah Kashmiri, that Hazrat Esa AS that he will marry in the Judham or Banu Kalb tribe and have children. Is this an authentic narration?

Kitab al-Fitan by Na'eem ibn Hammaad Al-Maroozi (died 228 Hijri) can not be taken for granted and fully authentic in all its contents and narrations. Many Sunni scholars in Hadeeth like Al-Nasaa'ee and Ibn Hajar and Al-Dhahabi and al-Daar Qutni mentioned Na'eem or Nu'aim ibn Hammaad as not authentic narrator despite the fact the he was a Sunni like them. This narration does not have a continuous chain of authentic narrators, that is why we can not take it as authentic. Anwar Shah Kashmiri was a Deobandi Shaikh in the Indian subcontinent who died in 1933 and his mentioning this narration needs an authentic chain of narrators, which he failed to mention , so we can not take the narration with out that.

Wassalam.

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Father . Marriage

I have a suitor that is a good practising Muslim but my father does not want to give my hand in marriage due to tribal reasons. What is the Islamic solution for this problem?

Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 4 years ago

Sorry to hear that - it can be difficult to find a good spouse, and a family is blessed when someone suitable wishes to marry their child; not everyone has the opportunity to marry a compatible spouse.

In addition to the advice already given, du'a is also good.

Father . Marriage

I have a suitor that is a good practising Muslim but my father does not want to give my hand in marriage due to tribal reasons. What is the Islamic solution for this problem?

Marriage in Islam is based on proper religion and good manners, and not on tribal or economic or any other worldly reason.

Your father might have his own cultural reasons for marriage which are not valid in Islam. You must be very polite with him and try your best to explain to him the teachings of the Prophet (SAWA) and AHLUL BAYT (AS).

You might need to seek assistance from people who are respected by your father to explain to him.

You might need to wait till your father is convinced.

You might also seek help from your mother to try to talk to convince him in nice way.

Wassalam.

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Man . Poor . Life . Sexual . Marriage

If a man is too poor to get married does he have to go his whole life without having any sexual relations?

Marriage in Islam does not require big amount of money. In fact it is recommended to keep the amount of Mahr (Dowry) affordable and not big amount.

Marriage in Islam can be a permanent marriage for those who can afford it and can be a temporary as well. In any case, Muslim must keep himself away from any sinful act whether he is married or not married. Those who want to get married to protect themselves from falling in sinful acts, will be helped by Allah as we read in many Quranic verses and authentic Hadeeths.

Wassalam.

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Man . Islam . Marriage . Love . Marriage Proposal . Conversion to Islam

I have a proposal from a man who is willing to revert to Islam. How do I know he is genuinely believing and will our marriage be accepted if he secretly reverts for love?

You never really know about people. Even in the time of the Prophet (S), there were hypocrites who pretended to be Muslim. Only Allah knows what is in the heart, and only Allah knows whether people will follow through with a lifetime commitment (such as converting to a religion - or, for that matter, having a lifelong marriage).

Many of the sahabah converted instantly. So if he converts tomorrow, he could be an Abu Dharr or a Salman al-Farsi. Or he could be... someone else. One way you can glean some idea of this is with respect to how he is with commitment in life, in general. Has he followed through on other commitments, or does he tend to jump around from thing to thing? This still doesn't give you a full picture but gives you some idea.

Also, people sometimes change throughout life anyway - there is no guarantee that the person you marry will be the same person forever.

So, you can never know for sure, but it is good to follow your intuition and good judgment and advice from people you trust and who have wisdom. If you are having doubts, possibly your intuition is picking up on signs that your rational mind is dismissing.

You could wait some time after he has converted (say, a couple years) before committing to the marriage to see how he does with Islam.

That said, it is not respectful to doubt that someone is sincere about his religious belief simply because he was not born into it (unless there are some signs that the person is insincere or not thinking straight), and respect is important for marriage. So this should also be sorted out before marriage.

It is not uncommon for women to convert at the time of marriage to a Muslim man and often they remain in the faith and become strong Muslims. Of course, the social situation and experiences of men are somewhat different, but just putting that out there.

Man . Islam . Marriage . Love . Marriage Proposal . Conversion to Islam

I have a proposal from a man who is willing to revert to Islam. How do I know he is genuinely believing and will our marriage be accepted if he secretly reverts for love?

We always need to take lessons from realities of life and study the majority of similar cases before emotionally going ahead with marriage proposals based on promises. Lot of marriages have taken place based on a promise to become a Muslim but ended up with different situations few years after the marriage. Emotions before marriage usually don't last long after marriage. Usually married couples face some issues and misunderstandings between them which can decrease their emotions towards one other. Studying the results of thousands of similar cases should make us more careful before deciding as such decision is for life. As many similar promises were not fulfilled properly by many, we need to be sure that person has really accepted Islam for the sake of Allah and decided to follow the True religion. His real practice is must and not his promise. After he really practiced Islam like a good Muslim, then you can assess whether he is willing to remain a Muslim for life or just for the sake of marriage.

In fact just promising to be a Muslim will not make permissible for him to marry a Muslim girl, unless he is already a Muslim.

You need to be sure about your future and the future of your children.

Wassalam.

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Husband . Marriage . Sin

How do I accept my husband's second marriage? Is it a sin to be unhappy with it?

It is normal for there to be complex emotions in these situations. Even in narrations, it says that a woman's jealousy over her husband is due to her love for him. This is apart from other concerns, such as about the financial effect.

There is nothing wrong with acknowledging the reality of your emotions. In any situation, is healthier to work through things such as anger or resentment because negative emotions can eat at us, and we are the ones who will suffer. However, this takes time and there isn't an instant fix.

Bringing another person into the picture (either in terms of a second wife, or illicitly) also changes the relationship between two spouses, and it takes time for the relationship to adjust and to find a new normal. Also, sometimes it changes our own sense of identity and the way we relate to the world, since marriage is heavily tied to identity, and so sometimes it takes time to develop a different sense of self if there is a change in marital life.

There is a certain wisdom in accepting that we cannot control other people's decisions, and to accept that people in our lives will do things that we wish they didn't. Allah only takes us to account for our own actions and choices.

Ethically, it is good to treat correctly the other woman in the same way one would treat correctly any other person, especially if she is a sister in faith.

In societies which are not structured to support polygyny, such as many urban areas today, and where it is a burden for a man to be equally responsible to two separate households, second marriages often don't last anyway, especially if the second wife is getting the lesser end of the deal (for instance, supporting herself and her children financially while the first wife is a housewife). (This is especially the case when the first marriage has been established for a long time and is not ending, and there isn't a strong reason pushing the man to take an additional wife.)

When the Prophet (S) and Imam Ali (A) had multiple wives, they didn't have to commute 4 hours in bad traffic after a 10 hour work shift and pay insurance and mortgages or exorbitant rent for both families, etc. The culture also was set up in a way that acknowledged polygamy, whereas some modern cultures are not even favorable to having one wife and child-raising, let alone multiple wives. Of course, this varies tremendously from place to place.

Sometimes second/third/fourth marriages do last, and I don't want to give you a false hope, but just putting this out there. Time shows the end result of all things.

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Marriage . Prophet Moses . Prophet Shu'ayb

Which tribe was Prophet Moses AS married into? Was he married with the daughter of Prophet Shoaib AS?

Prophet Musa (AS) was married to Prophet Sho'aib's daughter after the incident mentioned in Quran in Sura Al-Qasas, verses 23, 24, 25, 26,27 and 28.

Wassalam.

Marriage

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