Amina Inloes

This can sometimes be a difficult situation to navigate among Muslims who handle marriage through interactions between families.

In this situation, you will most likely meet your prospective husband outside of the circle of your own family. (For example, daily life, socializing, Islamic groups or events, online)

In that case, the role of your family here is ethical and social. A prospective husband should make an effort get to know your family and be respectful towards them. If your father were alive, it would be respectful and good form for him to seek your father's blessing for the marriage. 

Of course, if your family is hostile towards Islam, or there are other issues, it may be that there will be no extensive relationship between him and them.

However, if a prospective husband does not want to meet your family at all, or is disrespectful, that is a red flag. 

As for actual wedding arrangements, or who will pay for a wedding, this is something you, your prospective husband, and your families will have to sort out.

Sometimes, weddings can be a challenge for converts, especially in a marriage between a convert woman and a born-Muslim man. It can be awkward if the born-Muslim brings a large extended family to celebrate, and the convert seems alone. Conversely, the two families may disagree about which wedding customs are important to them.

On the other hand, in a marriage between two converts (who both do not come from Muslim cultures), it can be difficult to decide how to celebrate, since there is no cultural precedent for Muslim weddings. 

Some converts sidestep this by skipping a wedding altogether, but many people regret this over time, so it is good to have a suitable wedding - even if it is simple and inexpensive - which is in line with both of your financial and social circumstances. A mosque wedding may also be an option, since it is both public and inexpensive. If the man does not want to have any wedding at all, that is also a red flag. 

Yes

In Shi'i fiqh, women may travel without a mahram. 

The answer to this will vary based on a person's interests, circumstances, knowledge of Islam/Shi'ism, and, possibly, what they are converting from (for instance, were they a Sunni, are they coming from another religion, etc.). 

In general, it is good to explore the variety of what Shi'ism and the Shi'i community has to offer - for instance, attending different Shi'i mosques, and listening to lectures (online or in person). One of the advantages of being a convert is that you can usually experience various cultural interpretations of Shi'ism rather than being bound to one. (This is sometimes different if someone marries into the faith, in which case sometimes they are expected to be bound to their spouse's culture.)

While you are motivated, it is good to learn what you can; at the same time, there is a wisdom in not overdoing it, so that you do not get burnout. 

It is good to recite the major recommended prayers, such as Du'a Kumayl, once a week, either individually or in a group, and to contemplate them.

If possible, it is good to visit one or more of the shrines of the Imams (like Imam Ali, Imam Husayn, or Imam Reza), or Sayyida Zaynab in Syria or Fatima Masumah in Qom. 

It is good to have friendship with genuine mu'mineen (people of sincere faith) and  to spend time together in person (not only digitally). 

You should participate in the major commemorations with other Shi'is, like the first 10 days of Muharram, Ashura, and Laylat al-Qadr. Of course, it is good to attend other commemorations as well, but those are particularly valuable. If you have to travel to attend commemorations because there are none near you, then you should travel to do so, if possible. 

Sometimes, the social dynamics among Shi'is are different than the social dynamics among Sunnis, and, if coming from Sunnism, this can be worth reflecting on. Also, the worldview among Shi'is tends to be different than in Sunnism, in ways which you can discover for yourself, if that is your situation. 

It may be worthwhile to spend some time (which may be years) considering what it means for you to be Shi'i. For some people, this involves considering what it means regarding their beliefs about the Prophet and Imams, and how they interact with them spiritually. For some people, this may involve a political or activist stance (whereas still others may not see politics as an essential part of their faith). For some people, this involves a heavy interest in jurisprudence.

If you are new to Islam, it is good to become familiar with the Qur'an. It is good to spend some time every day, even just a little time, reading it and thinking about it. Of course, if you listen to Shi'i lectures, you will also become more familiar with the Qur'an.  

It is good to read some narrations (hadith) related in Shi'i books. A good general collection to start with is The Scale of Wisdom: A Compendium of Shi'i Hadith (while keeping in mind that some of this book is related from Sunni sources; a specialist can help you if you have any questions). 

If you are new to Shi'i ritual practice, such as how to say salat (daily prayers), you can find some introductory books on this website, as well as videos on YouTube.

If you do not speak a major heritage language used by Shi'is (such as Arabic, Farsi, or Urdu), it is worth learning one - although there is more English-language Shi'i expression, a lot of Shi'i expression is done in heritage languages, and so it will allow you to have a deeper experience. Of course, Arabic is always important for Qur'an and hadith. 

Also, keep in mind that every community has honest and dishonest people, sincere and insincere people, selfless and self-serving people, etc. Muslims also vary in how much they adhere to Islamic ideals and teachings. While any person who misbehaves is not a true Shi'i, nonetheless, one finds a variety of people among Shi'is, the same as everywhere else. So, while valuing your true friends, be sure to use wisdom and common sense when dealing with other people (especially in matters relating to finances, visas, or marriage), and if something seems wrong, stay alert to it.

(I am mentioning this because sometimes when people convert to Islam, they have an idealized view of Muslims, and while many Muslims have good ethics, exceptions apply.)

That is a lot - you do not need to do it all at once - but they are things you can look into now or over time. 

Best wishes on your journey!

I am sorry to hear you are in a difficult situation.

Dreams come from various places. Sometimes they are true, sometimes they are false, and sometimes they are a mix. Sometimes they are from Allah, sometimes they are from Shaytan, and sometimes they are from neither. 

Dreams can be affected by our physical health and psychiatric health, and if you have a significant health challenge or psychiatric condition, it is worth taking that into consideration when interpreting dreams. (For instance, a person who is physically unwell might have a dream about an attack, because the body feels it is being attacked, but does not know how to express it.)

Apart from that... if you are seeking hope, in general, in difficult times, it is good to ignore the dream, because Allah is merciful and always with us, even in hard times.

However, if you are hoping to obtain something specific (for instance, you want to marry a specific person or get a specific job), then it is worth considering that this might be a sign that that path is not meant for you. That interpretation may not be certain, but it is worth considering. 

With duas for your situation

Allah creates everyone differently, and we are not expected to be identical to each other.

Islamic practices contain an introspective element and a communal element.

Psychologically, to become a holistic person, it is good to balance one's primary tendency. So, if a person is introverted, it is good for them to develop their extroverted side. If a person is extroverted, it is good for them to develop their quiet side.

Islamic practices can help with that (for instance, in the case of introverts, attending communal prayers).

The Prophet (S) modelled both - for instance, he spent time alone in Ghar Hira, but he had a large family and took on a community leadership role. 

Islamically, it is good to be able to fulfill one's social obligations (whatever they may be) and interact politely with others on a day to day basis. It is recommended to perform certain communal practices, but it is not necessary to socialize extensively. 

However, cultures vary in terms of whether they value extroversion or introversion. For instance, most Arab cultures encourage extroversion. British culture supports introversion. So, sometimes one has to be practical and adapt to the environment.

I am personally quite introverted by nature. However, practising Islam (which I have done since the age of 14) has pushed me to interact with a variety of people in ways that I wouldn't have otherwise. Overall, I think this was beneficial for me in terms of helping me develop more as a person. However, everyone is different!

Apart from inborn tendencies towards introversion, since the pandemic, more people are also suffering social anxiety (or, at least, more people openly admit to social anxiety). Also, in general, in places where people interact more using social media/texts, there is sometimes more discomfort with in-person socializing, especially among the younger generation who grew up with these things. So if these are the case, it can be helpful to work with or acknowledge these things. (They may or may not be the case for you, but I am putting them out there in general.)

In any case, it is a blessing to be able to enjoy one's own company!

No. 

Marthiya (eulogies, lamentation poetry) for Imam Husayn (A) probably began soon after his martyrdom, since the custom of reciting marthiya in Arabic existed before his time, and was a custom shared by many people, not just Shi'is. Often, marthiya was recited by the mother, sister, or daughter of the deceased, although it was also done by men. 

In the maqtal literature (accounts of the martyrdom of Imam Husayn), it is related that several survivors of the Battle of Karbala recited lamentation poetry for him. For instance, it is related that Rabab, the wife of Imam Husayn (A), used to recite this lament (translation by Yasin Jibouri), while applying herbs to her eyes to make herself cry more: 

The one that used to be a lantern
Is now at Karbala’, killed, unburied.
O grandson of the Prophet! May Allah
Reward you on our behalf and may you
Never fall short of the Scales.
A great mountain you used to be
A shelter, secure, for me,
And a companion in family
And in faith a surety.
Now who shall for the orphans be
Of help, and who shall be for the needy?
Who shall be the resort of the destitute?
By Allah! Never shall I seek
For you at all any substitute,
Till between the sands and the mud is my abode
Wherein I will be hidden from the world. (Abul-Faraj al-Isfahani, Al-Aghani, Vol. 2, p. 158)

After that, there are narrations in which Imam al-Baqir (A) and, later, Imam al-Sadiq (A) praise a poet named Kumait for eulogizing Imam Husayn (A) in poetry.

One of the famous poets who supported Ahl al-Bayt (A) in the time of Imam Kazim (A) and Imam Rida (A) was Di'bil al-Khuza'i, who wrong a long poem on the sufferings of Ahl al-Bayt (A). Here is a short section of it:
 

O Fatima, had you seen Husayn fallen,
Lifeless, thirsty, by the flowing Euphrates' shore
You would have struck your cheeks in anguish, O Fatima, beside him
Tears streaming down your face.
Rise, O Fatima, O daughter of divine grace;
Mourn the stars of the heavens fallen in this desert land.
With some graves in Kufa, and others in Medina
And others in Fakh, hallowed by my prayers.

أفاطم لو خلت الحسين مجدلا

وقد مات عطشانا بشط فرات

إذا للطمت الخد فاطم عنده

وأجريت دمع العين في الوجنات

أفاطم قومي يا ابنة الخير واندبي

نجوم سماوات بأرض فلاة

قبور بكوفان واخرى بطيبة

واخرى بفخ نالها صلواتي

So these are some early examples of lamentation poetry for Imam Husayn (A). 

You should not wear a ring which has symbols on it which are obviously representing another religion. For instance, a cross which is clearly a Christian cross. Symbols are like marketing logos; they advertise the religion and also subtly link a person to it; they also identify us to others as being part of that religious group. (Someone once called the Christian cross "the most effective marketing symbol in the world.")

However, not all symbols are obviously linked to a single religion. For instance, a cross which looks like a plus sign might not necessarily be a Christian cross. Both Muslims and Jews use the 6-pointed star ("star of David"/"seal of Solomon"). Some cultures use a 5-pointed star to represent the elements of the natural world, whereas some Christians oppose it. Hitler took the swastika from Hinduism and Buddhism.

Historically, there was no specific logo or symbol for Islam, although today the crescent moon and star is used a symbol. I suppose we could do worse for a symbol! However, we also do not own the crescent moon or stars.

So, you should look at the ring and decide if the symbols are clearly identifying the ring as advertising another religion (for instance, a medieval knight ring with Crusader crosses). If it is, you should not wear it. But if it is just the case that there are crosslike mounts for the gems, or whatever, and it doesn't shout "Christian cross" to the world, then that is not a problem.

Sometimes people change over time, or due to life events, and this leads to reconciliation. This is especially the case with blood relatives, who have a bond whether or not they are on good terms, and close friends who fell apart.

In marriage breakdowns, people can also resolve their differences and get back together. However, sometimes, when that happens, they find that they have both changed and are no longer suitable for each other.

Anyway, it is good to make peace with people (as long as there are no extenuating circumstances, eg concern over safety, continued misbehavior, etc) and to let them know the door is open to reconciliation, if they ever want it. Allah guides people's hearts, and you can also pray for reconciliation. However, in cases of marriage breakdowns, it is better not to hold out too much hope; you can pray but you should also accept the reality as it is and go on with your life.

Sometimes it is only after a person passes away that the other person is able to forgive them or let go of things. All mu'mineen reconcile with each other in jannah.

If you do not allow an LGBT individual to enter a mosque, the next day they will go to a church. 

Sometimes it is better not to worry too much about what other people are thinking.  Sometimes, Shi'a are especially concerned about seeming strange to Sunnis or on the world stage. While this is understandable out of fear of killing or persecution, most, if not all, of the world's religions have practices that seem bizarre to others.

At the same time, many types of practices are similar across world religions because they serve a same function with respect to our psychology and spirituality, especially involving sound, recitation, and movement. Sometimes these things are also what keep a person in the religion in difficult times, rather than formal and serious things like formal scholarship.

So sometimes it is better just to let people do things how they would like to do it, when it comes to optional (non-wajib) religious ceremonies and commemorations, even if it doesn't match one's own preference; one can always abstain and do something else.  

From a shariah perspective, it is not prohibited (as long as one is not intentionally doing it to insult Allah or Ahl al-Bayt). 

However, it is better not to do it in the first 10 days of Muharram, or on Ashura, if there is a choice. (For instance, you have not been evicted.)

From a hadith perspective, those are the times most emphasised for remembering Imam Husayn (A), but it is customary these days to observe all of Muharram and Safar.

So in general, it is better not to move during Muhrram, if it is optional and can be postponed, but sometimes there is no choice, or there is a strong reason to move. However, this is a matter of personal piety and observance, not shariah.

One thing to consider is that some people may be concerned that their new home lacks baraka if they move during this time. Then, if something goes wrong (and something always goes wrong in life!), they will assume this is because they moved during Muharram, and may not feel settled in their home. Even though this is a psychological reason, it may be better to avoid moving during this time for that reason.

Also, in some communities, people will be criticized if they do it during this time, and one has to decide whether or not to take into consideration the views of others. 

In any case, it is your decision. Wishing you the best however it goes!