Zaid Alsalami

Bismihi ta'āla

The simple shar'i answer is no. The contract she enters into will not be valid. However, one must not look at this only from a shar'i side, but more from a moral and social aspect as well. 

In general, it is Islamically wrong and very disloyal if one engages with relationships without knowledge and blessings of parents. If they disapprove, that is even worse. 

And Allah knows best

Bismihi ta'āla

In our Islamic tradition and culture, relationships are not just personal and individual. It is the coming together of two families. It should not be done without proper consent and blessings from both sides. 

You do not want to jepordise your relationship with your parents. They might be from an older generation that thinks differently, and therefore, try to negotiate these things through the help of elders and your local scholars. 

You cannot be in an 'existing' relationship if there is no marriage. You do not want the beginning of your married life to be in haram. That will never end good for you, or him. 

And Allah knows best

Bismihi ta'āla

In our Islamic tradition and culture, relationships are not just personal and individual. It is the coming together of two families. It should not be done in secrecy. That is a big red flag. How will he maintain his respect to her, if she's gone behind her family's back and done the most important thing in her life, without telling her family.

As is most cases, the male will definitely use this in a way that he will not show accountability to her family, and many other wrong things. 

If she has not been married before, and even if she has been married, involving family is very important. 

And Allah knows best 

Bismihi ta'āla

Indeed, you must be concerned, and if not stopped, it will consume her, and make her life miserable, and everyone around her as well. 

She must only follow her shar'i takleef. Nothing more, nothing less. Her duty is to constantly dismiss her doubts, and consider whatever she does as correct, even if other thoughts enter her mind, and even if she continues to think she did it wrong. She ignores it. 

Once she does this for a while, it will, in shaa Allah, break the cycle of her intrusive thoughts.

And Allah knows best.

Bismihi ta'āla

The fact that you've said "might have touched" and "unsure" makes the scenario hold no weight. In matters of taharah and najasah, it is only certainty that you act upon. As long as the cushion was washed, that is more than enough, and dismiss your other thoughts.

And Allah knows best.

Bismihi ta'āla

You have every right to be upset, and every right to be frustrated, but you must control yourself, to make sure you do not fall short of your motherhood and parenting duties. Your children have no guilt in this, so they need your full attention and grace. 

A promiscuous husband does definitely affect you as a wife, and you must put a stop to this. Discuss this with him, his family, your family, elders in the community, and if he continues his ways, you might need to make the strong decision of leaving him, if it is affecting you.

And Allah knows best 

Bismihi ta'āla

Nobody is allowed to be violent towards anyone. Violence will not solve anything, especially within a family. A brother has no authority over his sister, so he has no right to discipline or even raise his voice, let alone be violent.

You must read the biography of the Imams (a.s.), to understand their style of raising family members, and how compassionate they were in their method of discipline.

And Allah knows best

Bismihi ta'āla

Your father has no right to insist or force anyone onto you. This is haram for him to do, and it is completely your choice, and he must respect that. It might be difficult for you to express yourself to him, and you might feel pressured, but do not give in, unless you are absolutely convinced on who you wish to marry, whoever he may be.

And Allah knows best.

Bismihi ta'āla

A believer must avoid free mix-gatherings, for whatever reason it may be, and as close as the non-mahrams may be. We must try to promote segregated wedding programs, and not allow ourselves to participate in haram gatherings.

This works for both genders as well. A man should not attend, and a woman should not attend as well. 

It is by far better for weddings to be segregated, so that the women can dress as they wish, without hijab or any restrictions. 

If someone is forced to be there, like the person being a primary family member, then they go just for the social obligation they have, limit it to that, dressed Islamically, and leave.

And Allah knows best

Bismihi ta'āla

As far as outer hijab and Islamic dress-code for women, wearing a 'abayah or chador is not compulsory, unless it is the common custom of a particular society, and not wearing it will be seen as bad.  

In brief, wearing of modest and loose clothes, is enough, as long as deflects any attention of men.

And Allah knows best

Bismihi ta'āla

Extravagance is haram, and we must not allow ourselves to be dragged into consumerism and purchase expensive dunyawi items that will not hold its value, and are way more that its price value, due to it being a particular brand. Even if you have the money, and you are rich, it still does not justify extravagance. Of course, someones someone might purchase something expensive, for the purpose of investment, as its price will appreciate, and there is nothing wrong with that. 

It is good that she has come to this realisation, and be more focused on being moderate and balanced in her spending, even if she has the money. She does not need to get rid of them, if she wants to keep them, but just be more God-wary in the future. 

And Allah knows best

Bismihi ta'āla

It is makruh to choose to stay single. There are numerous narrations that censure being single, and explain the many benefits of marriage. 

The only time marriage would be obligatory is if one falls into sin, and marriage would solve that problem. 

One can combine between marriage and focus on career as well. 

And Allah knows best