Domestic violence

Domestic violence (also named domestic abuse or family violence) is violence or other abuse in a domestic setting, such as in marriage or cohabitation. Domestic violence may be used as a synonym for intimate partner violence, which is committed by a spouse or partner in an intimate relationship against the other spouse or partner, and can take place in heterosexual or same-sex relationships, or between former spouses or partners. In the broadest sense, domestic violence can also involve violence against children, parents, or the elderly.

151044

Parents . Husband . Domestic violence

I involved my parents due to my husband's verbal abuse, where he belittles me, calls me lazy, mocks me, and insists he comes before them. Is it right for him to demand this priority despite his abusive behavior?

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 3 months ago

It is better to keep your issues with your husband between you and him with out involving others as much as possible. If you both are completely unable to sort your things together then a person from your family with a person from his family can be involved to sort things out. Don't try to make your parents take a negative opinion about your husband by hearing your side of the story before hearing his side. Involving your parents should repair and strengthen the relation between you and your husband and never to create enmity or bad feeling between them and your husband. You and your husband should talk peacefully to understand the reasons of your misunderstands and to try to avoid it as much as possible.

Wassalam.

199585

Family . Domestic violence . Woman . Ahl al-Bayt . Sunni-Shi'a

Are fathers or brothers ever allowed to be violent towards female family members? Sunni records mention Umar and Abu Bakr using violence against women in their families. Did men of Ahlul Bayt ever react this way when disagreeing with women?

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 6 months ago

Bismihi ta'āla

Nobody is allowed to be violent towards anyone. Violence will not solve anything, especially within a family. A brother has no authority over his sister, so he has no right to discipline or even raise his voice, let alone be violent.

You must read the biography of the Imams (a.s.), to understand their style of raising family members, and how compassionate they were in their method of discipline.

And Allah knows best

102347

Domestic violence

What rights does a girl or woman have when facing verbal, emotional, or physical abuse from her in-laws? What guidance do the Quran, Hadith, and Ahlulbayt provide regarding the expected behavior of in-laws towards their daughters-in-law?

Quran, the Prophet (SAWA) and Ahlul Bayt (AS) have clearly ordered every Muslim to be just and fair when dealing with others. Talk to people in nice way. (Sura 2, verse 83). Prophetic Hadeeth orders us: Deal with people in the same way which you want them to deal with you, and talk to them in the same way that you want them to talk to you. No one is allowed to verbally, emotionally, physically abuse others. Such abuse can be a major sin.

This is a general Islamic rule which is obligatory in all Muslims when they deal any other person.

Wassalm.

190211

Marriage . Divorce . Children . Mother . Brother . Time . Domestic violence . Guilt . Hell

After enduring 20 years in an abusive marriage, that ended in divorce, and raising my children alone, why do I still feel guilty and fear hell, especially when my mother and brother don't accept me and consistently make me feel bad whenever we interact?

Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answer updated 1 year ago

I am sorry to hear about your situation.

This is probably due to the psychology of being in an abusive marriage; possibly the abuser always said directly or indirectly that whatever happens is your fault. (Unfortunately, other people in society will also blame the woman, even if the husband is responsible for his choices.)

Also, in life, we internalize an internal judgmental voice (like a "parent") which judges us based on the social norms that we absorb from other people. This inner voice will continue to judge us even if those people are no longer around (and, in this case, it sounds like there are people who may still be actively reinforcing these ideas).

Many Muslim women, especially in our generation and above, internalized a voice that said that being a good Muslim woman means being married and having children, and a woman who gets divorced is bad. This idea is more about social expectations (or wanting the security of a marriage for a daughter) rather than Allah or faith.

However, it is common for Muslim women who grew up around these ideas to deal with guilt after divorce, and it can take time to revise one's ideas about what is genuinely important before Allah and in the next life and offload social expectations that no longer serve us.

Sometimes this is also a way of processing trauma as well.

In all these cases, probably the best way to handle it is through qualified psychological counselling/therapy as well as reflection on what is really important in matters of faith. Sometimes, just identifying the issue is a step forward.

Wishing you the best!

187808

Mother . Domestic violence . Silat al-Rahm

What does Islam teach regarding a situation where a 24-year-old hits their mother back after she hits and verbally abuses them?

Hurting any of the parents is one of most dangerous major sins which lead to hellfire. If your parents hit you or verbally abuse you, you must tolerate and never do anything which can hurt their feelings. Allah is Angry with any one who makes his parents or any of them, unhappy.

Wassalam.

185147

Father . Mother . Son . Kaffara . Domestic violence

Is it permissible for a son to protect his mother by retaliating against his father who beats her severely? If not, what is the Kaffarah for such an act?

Sayyed Muhammad Husaini Ragheb, Sayyed Muhammad Husaini Ragheb has a BA in Law from Guilan University, Iran and has also undertaken Hawzah studies in Qom. He used to be a Cultural Affairs director of Ethics Group of Al-Mustafa... Answer updated 1 year ago

Salaam
In any case, children do not have the right to hit or even to raise their voices against their parents. Showing anger towards parents and shouting at them out of anger is forbidden let alone hitting them which will be punished by very severe and heavy punishment.
You have to only ask him to stop beating her and if you can become a block on the way of her getting hit then do it. But you have no right to hit your father back.
As for Kaffarah there's nothing mentioned in this regard. Just try to ask him for forgiveness in a polite manner so that he forgives you and try to make him happy. This way we hope that he changes his attitude towards your mother too.

182413

Family . Parents . Domestic violence

How can I effectively separate myself from parents who are abusive and not practicing?

You should never separate yourself from your parents, but you should be away from their sinful acts, keeping your relationship with them as good as you can. Even if your parent were non believers, you must keep treating them nicely as parents but never share with them or support their wrong faith or sinful acts.

Wassalam.

137255

Father . Domestic violence

My father is very abusive and does not miss an opportunity to belittle me. I do everything he expects of me but I am really worried about how much more I can take. What should I do?

No matter how bad, abusive and insulting your father is, you must tolerate and behave well with him. He is not worse that a Kafir parent, and we read in Quran and Hadeeth to treat non Muslim parents nicely and talk to them nicely.

Never alter a word which can make him unhappy.

Be patient and tolerant whatever he says.

Your reward will be great iA.

Wassalam.

133618

Punishment . Children . Parents . Domestic violence

What is the punishment for children who raise their hands upon any of their parents and hitting them? What should parents do with such a child?

Mistreating any of the parents is very dangerous and it is a major sin which leads the sinner to hellfire beside causing misery in his life in this world. Parents need to study the reasons of this misbehaviour and try their best to make their children understand what is right and what is wrong. One of the possible reasons can be bad friends or watching bad films etc.

It is really a big challenge for the parents and they need to take advice from specialists beside seeking help from Allah (SWT).

Wassalam.

131672

Mother . Wife . Love . Domestic violence

My mother is verbally abusive to my wife. My wife is a good mother and wife and I love her. But my mother absolutely hates her. What is my duty to both of them?

Rebecca Masterton, Dr Rebecca Masterton graduated with a BA in Japanese Language and Literature; an MA in Comparative East Asian and African Literature and a PhD in Islamic literature of West Africa. She has been... Answered 3 years ago

It is unacceptable for a mother-in-law to be verbally abusive to her daughter-in-law. Verbal abuse, jealousy and hatred to that extent can be part of a personality disorder. I can recommend researching in detail the characteristics of the malignant, narcissistic woman and mother. In insulting someone you love, she is also abusing you. Mothers with a narcissistic personality disorder (as opposed to just being self-centred) are competitive in terms of who their child loves most.

How your children see you behave with your mother and wife will affect their own marriages down the line. Can you ask your mother not to verbally abuse your wife? If you feel you can't, that is revealing something about how your mother has trained you to relate to her, i.e. to remain passive and take the abuse; to not have enough self-worth to even politely ask her not to be verbally abusive.

Your duty is to love and protect your wife. You are the head of your household. You also have to protect the well being of your children. If they see their mother being abused their well being will be affected too.

According to Ayatollah Dastghayb-Shirazi, you are entitled to minimise or even cut ties with family members whose bad behaviour you can't reform, or whose bad behaviour gets worse by your presence, or whose bad behaviour you indirectly condone by co-operating with them. Being good to your parents does not mean condoning behaviour that could destroy your family.

https://www.al-islam.org/greater-sins-volume-1-sayyid-abdul-husayn-dastg...

123252

Girl . Sexual . Domestic violence . Therapy

Is it permissible for a Muslim girl to visit a psychiatrist and undergo therapy? Is it permissible to talk to them about a sexual assault undergone by her, or will that be disallowed as revealing the sin of another person?

Muslim female should go to female psychiatrist and get required therapy from females.

Talking about your previous sins is not good unless it is advised by the doctors as part of the treatment.
Wassalam.

116988

Parents . Children . Domestic violence

What does Islam say about abusive parents? The children get mentally affected and traumatized and, sometimes, they yell at them in retaliation. Is that allowed?

Parents are not allowed to do injustice against their children or any of them. Being abusive with people is not an Islamic way to behave. Yet, if the parents or any parent becomes abusive, the children are never allowed to yell at them under any circumstance. Allah says in Quran about treating your parents: And never tell them Uff (any word of annoying) and never raise your voice at them. (17:23).

There is no question of retaliation we deal with our parents, no matter how bad might be. Even Kafir (disbelieving) parents who insist on their children to become disbelievers, must be treated in nice way. Allah says in Quran (If your parents strive to make you a Mushrik (polytheist), don't obey them, and deal with them nicely and kindly)(Sura 31, verse 15).

Wassalam.